So I went into my gym pretty wasted and asked the trainer guy if i could order a cock meat sandwich. Needless to say, I'm canceling my membership tomorrow.
Can we please have a moment of silence for my reputation?
I woke up naked, with 10 visible bite marks and a black eye. I'm just going to assume that it was a good night.
well judging by the amount of dired blood around my nipple rings i'm gonna assume it was a good night
u know how some weekends you just wanna go out and ruin a relationship? this is one of those weekends
We made a trail of cheez balls so we knew how to get back to te apartment.
Eating a muffin with a knife and fork. Hangovers have hit a new low.
We need to reprogram your vagina to say "no"
this mall makes me feel like I just rolled a 9 in jumanji and got the stampede card
I thought I was invisible, then some guy flashed his high beams at me and I realized my lights weren't on...not invisible.
I've started budgeting for next year. It looks like I'll be crying tears of dollar bills and handing them over to pay back my unholy college debt.
Just heard him in the middle stall. Sounded like someone emptied a toolbox into the toilet.
After tacos, we're chasing women.
I really need to curb my attractions to blondes with tattoo sleeves, firearms and alcoholism
YOUR MANICOTTI IS FULL OF LIES
Sorry i meant to send that to my mom
Randomize
