dude! the alphabet song and twinkle twinkle little star are like the same tune
what drug did you take to come to that conclusion??
so high driving around just saw a woman in a pink shirt chillin riding a horse
so high at work that a 35 year old with his kids handed me visine and winked at me. you win with the horse though
so whenever I text yeah my phone automatically corrects it to yeahhhheeehhyeahyeahh .. too much party in the USA?
well I mean we knew we had more drinkers than runners, so we had a "case race for the cure" for relay for life instead of an actual marathon. day drinking and philanthropy. can't go wrong.
Weekend has begun hello red wine at 10am on a Wednesday
Would it be sharing too much to tell you that my nipples hurt so much that I couldn't comfortably go down the stairs?
If I win the lottery I'm going to hire someone to skywrite "FUCKTARD" over his house. That much anger.
I'll be home soonish I need 4th of July sex, it's the American thing to do.
I don't care. She's the only girl to make me feel like my face is melting when she blows me.
It can't be Friday yet, in still getting friend requests of people I don't remember from last weekend
Someone needs to fuck me in my slutty pumpkin costume and I would ideally like it to be you
I think I need to start sobriety testing my Tinder dates.
Sorry your girlfriend got you a valentines present and you forgot to get her one.
How long will your dick be dry?
hahahaha classic. this is why you are going to a college with a hospital right next to it
Woke up from a black out in a strangers Jeep without phone, shoes, or wallet.
Randomize
