At what number of girls whose last names are stored in your phone book as drinking establishments does it become excessive?
Sry I left before you woke up. The house was really fucked up and I didn't feel like helping you clean. PS Somebody threw up on your dog
No worries you cant actually turn into a wine snob if you brew it in your closet....
Walk of Shame'd halfway down a mountain, skiiers passing. Do not drink with lifties at the end of ski season.
Shoot me. I need tickles, a drink, sushi and a handy
Order is debatable
Last night was just one giant freudian slip.
You made out with EVERYBODY.
Can I just bleach my life?
I kept calling him escargot instead of Estaban..I don't think that was the wisest choice.
You woke me up at 2 am to tell me I could pee in a golf club if I wanted to.
I'd feel bad about being drunk at the Christmas service, except for the fact that I've already had sex in this church, so this is just small change.
I started dipping tositos in my screwdriver last night
then apparently I went "not bad" and continued
So he came on my stomach this morning and I totally forgot about it until after you poured that body shot.
We share an apartment, weed and genitals. It's called being practical not in love.
We can't go out this weekend. My uterus is so desperate it's given me permanent beer goggles
Sometimes, being an adult means buying a bottle of whiskey after work and live tweeting the commercial breaks on food network.
His bedroom is the preferred destination of MILFs, cougars, recent divorcees and sexually frustrated wives
His penis is my hero
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