did you get my message about your dog?
no... is he ok?
no, i didn't see him when i was being chased out of your house. check your drive way :( sry
he only lasted three minutes, so to spite him i stayed the night and slept in.
Hilbilly word of the day is cedar, example....I knowed she ain\'t got no panties on cuz I cedar cooter.
I feel great
I just peed on a car
Last night you tried to pee on my bed...in the hallway...your room...and the showers. When I finally got you on the toilet you passed out.
I think that's the first time i've seen 'you look like an ugly version of my ex' work as a pickup line
Just got a message from a guy on a dating site who says he helped me remove lime pulp from my eye in a club toilet 2 weeks ago.
My bullwhip has saved my life tonight and gotten me laid. I'm gonna be Indiana Jones every Halloween!
You peed on someones bathroom floor while saying people are rude for not flushing
You could see the bone sticking out of his shin and he insisted he was "just gunna walk it off"
She said I'm going to get you stoned and have you fuck me on the couch.
Dude I just clenched/unclenched my hindquarters while looking in the mirror I have fucking talent
so then the cop took one last hit off our blunt and then drove off in his car and we just all stood there thinking, yea... that just happened...
you know you need to get laid when: getting wrestled to the ground in a self-defense class turns you on....p.s. this is a booty call
I collect Covid conspiracy theories like I collect Pokemon.
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