New low. Found an ant nibbling on my last xanax. Flicked it away and popped it in my mouth anyways.
Found moms dildo in drawer while looking for socks, and its wet
You were playing beer pong by yourself. Finally someone took the ball and threw it into the bonfire. You sat by it, cried, and contemplated how to get it out. For 45 minutes.
there were at least 5 of us standing around the bathroom stall cheering you on to throw up.
You should have been there. We got drunk and threw a sword through his windshield.
I seriously might throw up right now. In class. Sunglasses on. I'm getting too old for this.
I need a pic of your cock for our cock collage
Seriously. There are at least 10 other people drinking at the bar with me at 10:40. Im justifying it with the fact that I've been up since 5am.
I was an emotional waste case that night. She made me stroke her ponytail.
Woke up this morning buried in a mountain of chex mix and bubble wrap. We must have been doing something great last night
So... crashing at the hot bartender's place is not a solid marital decision.
You know I ate twenty hot dogs in an hour once.
I am honestly so surprised you are a lesbian.
I called my mom while I was blackout drunk, and told her I was drunk, safe, and happy. But really, I was just drunk.
I thought it was improvement but then i realized sex isn't an emotion and I hate everyone
So i just remembered that thing i use to do with your butt because of shark week.
Randomize