I can't tonight. I'm still nursing a beach sex injury. Don't wanna talk about it.
i awoke yet another morning with penis breath. ive been so generous santa has to bring me a shit ton of presents
I guess I fist pumped too hard. I hit my mom in the face and now we're sitting in the ER.
When we told the nurse what happened, she replied with "OH, Well you don't look Italian to me!"
you do realize eating doritos and gatorade as a breakfast hangover cure is only acceptable for one more month - then we have to grow up
I dont think yelling "Grab your dicks, time for pics!" helped your case either.
I'm love that we're talking about a possible 3rd 3some, and that you're going to be a dad.
Drinking franzia alone at noon watching a cheese themed episode of "The Chew" I'm ready to admit I need a job.
You've never even broken a bone. You singlehandedly disprove natural selection
nana can keg stand better than me. should i be proud?
I'm at a gyno in Japan. Safe to say every possible rule of etiquette is about to be broken. Buckle up, motherfuckers.
Now when you said you'd never sleep with me, did you really mean never on a Monday or never without handcuffs or a blindfold or never on a airplane or never without lots of booze? Cus never is a pretty strong word.
It's the warm chocolate goeyness of a brownie combined with the heavenly taste of weed-smell... Why have I never done this before?
Apparently I have decided there are no repercussions for my actions
Is it wrong to want to have sex with one guy who's good in bed before going out on a date with a guy I actually like?
you were peeing in her backyard and some dude came outside and looked at you and was like "thats not a pee spot" and you said "well it is now" then i joined you. Forever poppin squats <3
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