Alls I know is that his gf looked like Beyonce and he looked like Babar
Turns out, Windex will cut right through semen stains on a computer case.
she said i was amazing, then i left to room to take the rubber off and came back to find her masturbating with my xbox controller while niko got a call from roman.
So we sucessfully lit our bathtub on fire. Thought you should know.
He took out the lube and started calling it fuck fluid
Wait time out. Did I start last night with pants?
My parents just suggested that we tailgate the midnight christmas service. this is my gene pool.
I know it was you because you're the only person I know who gets drunk and craves soup.
Soup is delicious
by the time the kitchen caught on fire everyone was too drunk to be alarmed. the host just poured beer on it to put it out. how was yours?
It's was about average. But he had a tat on his thigh that said "pull-out n' rollout" so I won't have to worry about a round two request.
We got to the hotel at 12AM with nothing but a plastic bag of magnum condoms and lube, while wearing glow sticks. The receptionist handed us a bunch of water bottles and said "These are on us.", not even phased by three dudes about to have a threesome. I love this town.
Just found out my rents have been paying my siblings to cockblock me for the past 5 years
Not as covert as you thought huh?
It's not so much that I'm giving her money because I threw up on her floor. It's more like I'm paying her to never ever mention it again.
I can't even express how horny I am. The English language isn't equipped for what I'm plotting.
He just stopped me mid blow job so he could text his wife asking for TacoBell.
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