fuck, i never want to drink again I drunk dialed matt last night and broke up with him the second night in a row. FUCK QUADFEST
WHY are the edges of my bra charred???
shes still here... layin in my bed watching a beyonce concert on tv drinking leftover franzia straight outta the bag and crying
Now you know for the next time you go in the basement to wear a helmet
I just puked my brains out on the side of the road (see picture) And I took a picture for our scrapbook! I am always thinking! =) tell me your proud?!
You have to keep an eye on her tonight cause you know how she likes to pickpocket people when she's drunk.
Met my future wife peeing in the men's room. I stood in for the missing door on the stall. We really hit it off talking about how her butt didn't even touch the seat from all the years of squat lifting in high school.
Omg having my Grindr go off at the planned parenthood is just not okay
We had to take the hinges off the bathroom door. Needless to say, you are no longer welcome at that bar
Is it too early in the day to be getting dressed for the strip club?
Like we just had a bunch of sex and then he threaded my eyebrows in bed lol. It was amazing
New Serial podcast is out. We can listen to it tonight instead of having sex.
Stop calling my penis "Fat Jesus"
Leaving Denver airport I just saw a group of young Republicans in matching green T-shirts that said "4/20 Baby!"
How do you say "put it in me" in Spanish... I'm dealing with language barriers here.
Randomize
