i'm sleeping with myself tonight because i remember my name and i won't regret it in the morning. sorry.
I think i peed on brittanys purse
I wake up every morning and wish that I didn't have to wear a bra
I just learned you can mail a coconut. I'll be over in 3 days with the rum.
No fucking idea. Just paid for my chipotle in chocolate coins, though. Either there is a huge language barrier happening here, or my big boobs are finally paying off.
come on down! you are the next contestant on the night is drunk!
that awkward moment when your booty call gets snowed in at your place.
Are you asking me on a date where we get shithoused and do some fingerpainting?
sold 4 oz of weed today pantsless. man i love college.
Bro what are you doing Thursday the day before I go to jail??
So did he inherit the massive family cock?
:(
My apartment smells like a lavender field inside of a giant bong.
The best of us have puked in our office garbage cans. I just hope yours wasn't the metal mesh kind...and bagless like mine. Rock n roll office manager.
You coming to give me head and eat tacos?
I don’t care how cute or big a guy is I’m done with drunken hand jobs. It was like I was pulling a nine inch bungee cord for 25 minutes. Now My arm and shoulder is dead
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