Decided to write a book called "girls don't poop and other myths I wish I still believed in"
I somehow fell asleep on my kitchen counter using the microwave as a pillow
i woke up next to the toilet with a chipped tooth, somebody elses shirt on, and a random guys id in my pocket
i think i am going to devote my summer to making my cats internet celebrities
planned ethnic drinking holidays while bored at work thru next may. I don't suppose you have any scots or russian in you?
I wouldn't have puked last night if I didn't inhale straight pepper from you shattering the pepper shaker on the wall.
Just realized ive been sitting through all of lab with a condom in my bra.
yay hump day
Well my ankle is fucked up, everytime it pops I have a reminder of $200. Jager bomb night and the day we began to rebuild our friendship.
our next stoner-chievment: cream of shroom soup. Get over here, this is happening!
New low reached: a cockroach has actually drowned itself in our dirty dishes. We are heathens. Cleaning dance party tonight. No excuses.
I just spent the last three days trying to hook up with a dude for his pool privileges
2016 shall be rememered as the year I sharted while putting up the Christmas tree.
Then you screamed in her face to shut up about thick thighs saving lives because actually they can suffocate people during oral sex
Drunk me is very safety conscious And apparently just as annoyed by her as sober me
I would let him fuck me right here in this laundromat. Praise Satan.
He was someone so memorable that I'd completely forgotten he'd existed up to and during the encounter
Randomize
