girl you didnt miss much. except me passing out for 3 hours AT JOBBIE NOONER on some random's boat. i was topless, then completely naked. heard girls were throwing ice cubes at me. i was useless. remember nothing.
Situation: He got it in my eye, how long do I let it sting before should start to worry?
just got dressed up for chatroulette- THAT desperate.
i wanna anger bang this girl behind me at work. she never shuts up with her annoying voice. but her boobs are phenom.
You'd be surprised at how many crooked penises are out there
don't be alarmed if you come back and i'm passed out drunk and naked cuddling with the franzia.
i introduced myself to everyone by my new name, thundergooch. i threatened the neighbors with a hammer when they used my real name. needless to say, sailor jerry was not kind to me.
He left an apology note saying he had to work and that there was coffee, OJ and food on the table with two Excedrin. I left his spare key with the door guard and she said "too bad I don't go for skinny white boys or I'd jump you both!" Best one night stand ever.
THERE IS A WINE CUBE IN MY ASS THIS IS NOT GOING AS PLANNED
He also has scotch. LOTS AND LOTS of scotch. I think you'd like him!
That is always a wonderful personality trait!
You know your horny when you have a sex dream about Ace Ventura, if your wondering he's awful
Btw, you owe me. One (1) orgasm.
I hate her so much I want to fuck her boyfriend.
Did you clean my apartment?
I thought it was a dream, I'm sorry
Please stay more often
On my way home I saw a car that had "MOVE OVER PLZ" emblazoned across the windshield backwards, so people could see it in their rearview mirror
If I ever drive for Lyft or Uber I'm definitely gonna do that
Randomize
