bahahaha. this guy working at subway literally has someone's name tattooed on his arm, crossed out, and another name below it.
i've never heard her scream louder than when the koreans scored. what am i lacking in bed?
Its officially tradition: I black out every year on michael jackson's death day..
It's ok, I may have just peed outside your car and used your whataburger napkins. Hope you weren't saving them for a special occasion.
Walking into the first day of college is like walking into a meat market. A meat market of sex.
Romney sounds like a middle school girl and that creepy ass smile makes me want to close my blinds
I found a video of myself completely naked on my phone giving a drunk tutorial on how to shit properly while blindfolded. Did you record it?
I just tried to make cleaning gasoline off your shoes with toilet paper in the Chemistry Building bathroom look normal. I failed.
He is like the "hometown sweetheart", but a huge freak. Like "I'll come change your flat tire"....but then fuck you like an animal in the back seat.
I couldn't finish the episode and had to lay down because the snapple commercial with the mustache was blowing my mind
I don't know if your celebrity crush has ever asked you for nudes, but it's fucking awesome
All I need is a morbidly obese man masturbating at the other end of the car and I'll complete the CTA Horror Trifecta.
Have you ever eaten pizza and gotten your dick sucked at the same time? Because I have pizza.
I guess I can check "drink alone in the dark" off my bucket list
He's really cute...He stopped talking to me because i pulled my skirt up and peed in a demi plie position...
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