K got coke dick during a threesome with two strippers. Say no to drugs.
There is a such thing as a wonderpuss octopus. Officially my new favorite animal.
i tried to get you to come inside, but you insisted on throwing up in the flowers "because they're pretty."
She's the only person who can pull off turning an outdoor patio heater tower into a stripper pole.
Dude, for your own safety, do not bring that chick home. I'm pretty sure you're going to find a marsupial pouch smuggling a fresh batch of herpes under that hoodie. Bail bail bail bail bail.
With me living this close to Mexico now, Tequila is just a geographical choice at this point if nothing else.
Wait, you seriously DON'T keep vodka in your backpack??!??!?
It's a toss up. They'll either laugh and watch you drunkenly fuck on the beach or they'll throw you deep in Mexican jail.
Imagine cans of beer raining. Like not hitting you and hurting you. Just gently falling into your hand whenever you're sad
The Easter dress struggle is real
Yep. Just had to pull mine off to puke.
He legit watched "Cops" the entire time he was fingering me.
My grandpa is driving me to get condoms and wine. This is adulthood.
Can I pee and smoke my bong at the same time or is that like eating on the toilet
Make a note to pack something that won't catch shell casings in your cleavage
Although the guy I'm messing around with just offered to let me be his rich brother's sugar baby
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