Did you see 7 ppl got hurt at Talladaga?
Did they get their mullets stuck in an engine?
I took her to see 2012 then broke up with her, the movie was a metaphor.
he put listerine on his cock to make the taste more "enjoyable"... i think hes a keeper.
I just shaved my vag with a razor my dad left when he was here a few months ago. Too hungover to think about the Freudian connotations
No way. Our relationship is based solely on texting and sex. A phone call would be too much at this point.
you smelled like vodka, i think that's why my grandma liked you
I'm gonna rob all up in that cradle
all i remember was her shitting herself and asking me to call her parents.....i so didn't. when i woke up she was gone and left a note saying "we will be lovers forever"
Sorry bro I thought you were kidding. If I'm actually jerking off I usually said "Just a sec getting dressed" or something
You had a fry stuck to your face... Every five mins you would wake up, take a bite, put it back then fall asleep again...
We duck taped Dave to a rolling chair and shoved him in the bed of the truck then took off for a bit.. We didn't explain it that way when the nurse asked what happened though.
No way in hell. Unless I was drunk Tindering again....my swiping finger gets drunk too I guess
his mom fetish really needs to stop. this is literally the 5th time i've come home from work and there's been some random skank and her kids in the living room.
did one of the kids use their poo like a crayon on the wall this time?
Life should not be this hard with a dick this big.
Is it just me or is it like a girl gets married and all of a sudden she’s a “blogger”?
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