plz talk dirty to me
how the fuck am i supposed to make breakfast with spaghettios and mustard
i was so high that i was eating crumbs of my bed only to realize they were fuzz thingies. fml.
You are two creepy Justin Bieber quotes away from me not talking to you for the rest of the day
If I had a pelvic thrust emoticon, I would use it
I JUST MET THE GIANT MAN THAT WILL CARRY ME FROM PLACE TO PLACE
Now all we have to do is pretend we haven't seen each other naked. Work tomorrow is going to be FUN.
turns out that the cat the james was trying to catch was a raccoon. call me when you get this, i need an ER buddy
I had to help you off the toilet floor because you couldn't get up, then you threw your drink on the floor and just said "oh dear" really calmly.
I won't apologize to a one balled man
Youll thank me when youre dead an dont have a cat eating your face
My dad just asked if I could bring snacks to jail this weekend. Like what does he think this is, some type of adult play date?
Because of you I can never eat chicken nuggets without thinking of you fucking him. I hope youre happy. I really do.
The sex was so good we high-fived after.
I basically spent the entire weekend in bed with that red head.Every time I tried to leave she got me too horny to think straight. I was kidnapped by vagina
Spotify says I’m in the top 1% of Indigo Girls fans worldwide. Didn’t know I would peak this early.
Aren’t you trying to seem...less lesbian?
Randomize
