It's hard to be above the influence when you are the influence.
ill do whatever it takes for me to get more high and eat pie
Lmao the neighbor heard yall last night She wanted me to tell you way to finish strong
Well anything after a French guy would have been a disappointment. But I'm fairly certain he was just trying to masturbate into me.
merry christmas to all and to all I give the mystery rash.
Completely smashed, masturbating to the view of the ocean. Family vacations are more tolerable than I thought
Do you know how hard it is to maintain a conversation with someone who just told you they put their cat in the fridge on purpose?
I tripped over a vacuum cleaner and fell into a beer pyramid
The police report said "I asked the suspect if he had any identification. He replied yes and gave me a Pizza Hut gift card"
The first thing I did when I got to the apartment was masturbate on the couch
If you come home to me in lingerie and you start vacuuming...I need to reevaluate my priorities
Is it too forward if I ask him to bring a condom when he comes over to work on our project?
Is it wrong to want to have sex with one guy who's good in bed before going out on a date with a guy I actually like?
Okay so as of now, we may either be coming for one night, two nights, or not at all this weekend. It depends on Laura's toe and if I get my period. Will explain later
Unfortunately the rum ran out midway through our viewing and we had to suffer in silence for the rest of it.
Randomize
