My therapist says she wants to work on my 'trust issues'. I think she's found the cash cow within.
it only took me 1 hour to write 8 pages. i'm never doing school work without adderall ever again.
it's sad when i round the corner and the dog goes directly for the liquor store
Give me a few hours to remember what being sober feels like.
It doesn't count as drinking alone if you're making rum cake with it.
We are possibly on our way, unless we see the limo full of strippers.
hey i found one of your nipple clamps under my couch, i miss you!
I started singing the national anthem on a train in London. Happy 4th of July assholes
You pretty much isn't said it
Those words don't go together.
I'm to the point that I've had the revelation that its physically impossible for my arms to be attached to my torso.
Congratulations, you've begun to unfuck your life.
I didn't want to see any of his nipples and now I've seen all three. Thanks.
How did it feel to just observe all the people blacking out usually you're on the other end of things
I felt like I was at the zoo
He’s really fucking cute. Like, I want his penis in my mouth cute.
i was so blazed last night that i kept imagining a talking eagle sitting next to me encouraging me to smoke more... i listened to it.
Randomize
