FB needs to have a relationship status called...screwing my roommates bf..linking their names would be an easier to tell her!
sarcasm needs its own font
The doctor put me on 3000 mg of amoxicillin a day. Which, for a sinus infection, seems pretty excessive to me.
Maybe he was just trying to knock out any potential ghonorrhea you might be carrying around.
Ah, my reputation precedes me.
I just peed on my pajamas. Its gonna be a long night. Don't forget the cookies.
Hookup with hot guy from gym, check. Wake up to find he's peed in my closet, double check.
When I look at old family photos I know how jessica simpson feels when she watches dukes of hazzard
I woke up this morning next to a stack of saltines & a txt from u saying "do it." it took me a second to remember wat was going on
Just had a guy dressed only in a towel ask me for a cig, hug me and kiss me then proceeded to pee of the balcony while still talking to me and callin me baby
He taped a champagne bottle to both his hands and called himself edward champagne hands. At one point he poured some on his lap and said " Just needed to make sure my dick got some too"
We were basically fucking on the dance floor. People kept buying us drinks. It really only encouraged us.
I don't send those kind of pictures unless the recipient has already been up close and personal with it. I don't give previews, but I will provide recaps.
Thanks for the Beyonce article. In other news, I just passed a man with the state of Florida tattooed on his face.
i rearranged my furniture so i could masturbate in the sun. how's that for spring cleaning?
bullshit you weren't drunk, you pointed at me and said my cigarette was empty
Damn it. If you ever throw me again, take video.
Randomize
