she cant drink. allergic to alcohol.
ewwww. she might as well have a dick.
i just thanked the atm machine for giving me cash
he said i'm too pretty to suck penis
Four minutes until I can fart!
I'm done trying to be a vegetarian. My vagina smells like hummus.
some how when im high sleep beats hunger...its like how paper beats rock it doesnt make any fucking sense but it still happens
I kept telling myself all night that it was completely okay for me to lose all sense of my morals because it was my birthday.
I feel like we're taking advantage of the fact that our R.A has cerebal palsey.
Dude, I couldn't come. She sounded like a goddamn dying walrus.
Just did lines off your face, congrats on getting in the magazine bro
You're 34. You can't make guys wait till the third date anymore. Step it up!
I would like to formally reclaim my title of a turn up queen.
Ugh. It's days like these that make me wish my bad habits would kill me faster
I'm really stressed out right now.
I think you're confusing "stressed" and "sober".
Dude, the T Swift concert might not be so bad after all. Can you say milfs living vicariously through their teenage daughters? Score.
Randomize
