Me= Watching Ferngully. My neighbor= Having really loud sex including multiple orgasms
Oh God
I know, but the worst part is I'm not really sure which I'd rather be doing. Feel free to re-evaluate our friendship
someone owes me an orgasm
Woman walking into toby keith concert: 8 months pregnant, black eye, shirt on that has a picture of a boot and the words "we'll put a boot up your ass" with an american flag printed over--the sleeves were ripped off and she had a camo cowboy hat. Greatest thing I've ever seen.
Can I sleep on your couch? My wife just found my eHarmony account.
Did you ask last night's taxi driver about his penis hygiene?
I could see myself reflected in his wedding band as i was going down on him.
Just ate a whole pizza by myself. Wearing my indian headdress again. its really cool with the french braids. I look like fucking pocahontas or some shit.
Slowly realizing that my only incentive to bathe is shower beer
I need to pack up my vagina and leave. We only do bad things together.
I just windexed my mirror headboard, Lets get to work.
Celebrated the veterans I suppose, my mouth tastes of gin and black outs
currently working on a look that screams, "I'm dead inside, but still trying to enjoy the ride"
I'm in the woods tripping balls the water is rising why don't you answer me
It was a frighteningly large penis to say the least
woke up on my floor using my jeans i wore out as a pillow
haha i wouldn't expect any less of you
Randomize
