Stop bringing these fucking whores home with you. If I have to fight over the remote with a bleach blonde idiot wanting to watch the hills reruns one more time I'm pissing in your shampoo.
We had sex this morning and after she goes, " So are we going to do something for Valentines Day?"
Ladystoner tip: if eyes are bloodshot, lime green eyeliner makes them appear less red. its basic artt.
The security guard popped his head over the mens room door and goes "nice tits- now get out." Deer in headlights moment right there.
also, I heard you can donate your eggs for like $8gs....hellloooo mediterranean vacation. thank youuuu future babies!!!
I know how to make vodka btw in case you want to come over and do a science project
Ughhh I can't remember the last time "time fell back or springed forward" and I wasn't at the bar to argue about it :(
I was at a bus stop, eating a load of bread. Fairly sure I'm the poster child for poor students.
There was blow residue on my chem book and my TA was like, did u stain your notebook with CaCO3?
If I ever see that bitch it is going down flavor of love style
I want to just live in between your butt cheeks.
What!? It's 7:30am on gameday. This keg is not going to drink itself.
Got home and told boyfriend what happened. He was like "you made out with a guy you call Balls Deep?" and hi-fived me.
Like who needs a job and family when you can get drunk for free with strippers?
I think I'll shower sitting down. That seems safe.
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