Billy Mays died!
I know. And the US is beating brazil...what's wrong with the world?
I just found a beer pong ball in my mail box. I think its a sign
obviously you don't know the college version of myself. if there's something i'm ALWAYS willing to put up for it's alcohol.
four loko is officially banned. leave it to the kids from a state school to fuck it up for everyone
What do you mean how did you end up there? You told him he had a face you'd like to ride, that's a deal sealer in any language.
PRINCE HARRY WAS AT WAL MART SO NEXT TIME YOU BITCH ABOUT GOING TO WAL MART REMEMBER THAT EVEN PRINCE HARRY GOES TO WAL MART.
We used the solo cup bag for her hair tie. Desperate times call for desperate measures.
next time im at a party and go to fist bump the dude who took my virginity two years ago PLEASE STOP ME
Sometimes I think I'm witty and funny, and then I realize it 3pm and I'm drunk
I thought we were but then I freaked myself out. So I kind of geared him up for take off and then cancelled the launch
He slapped my ass... He best ask me out. Or figure out how to unslap my ass.
You're gonna be sprawled out basking in the sun working on your tan like a ridiculously hot iguana, and I'm gonna be here bundled up in about 72 layers just so I don't freeze my dick off looking like the Michelin man's gay cousin
i apologize, I may have called you an iguana
Mistakes were made
Quit bitching. I brought you a muffin.
The frequency with which I change my vibrator batteries is getting a little ridiculous....
His birthday is on cinco de mayo and he doesn’t drink or like tacos. What a waste.
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