so last night was fun and all.. but you might want to get tested
Im mastering the way to pass gas silently.
The cop and I then joined forces to get you up off the sidewalk.
You made everyone who was on the patio sit on the floor and join your "ship" because you were the Captain. It was cool though. You let me be your 1st Mate.
Maybe it was that imaginary ghost dick you were stuffing in your mouth a minute ago
I asked if he wanted to sext and he just started sending me pictures of his beard.
MASS TEXT: Lets start a new tradition. Black Friday log pic contest. I'm waiting.
Are you going to eat tacos off the floor again?
I expected better sex from someone with the word CHAOS tattooed above his dick. But on the bright side, he was down to watch a documentary on Honey Badgers afterwards so I guess I'll keep him around.
I think I fell asleep on the dance floor at one point...but played it off cool and acted like I just did the robot.
I can't tell if this is a hangover or just a perfect combination of shame and regret
I just broke a sweat masturbating on a Friday night. I may need a boyfriend.
Went online to check my credit card... $147.87 at Waffle House. $632.36 at "Red Rose Gentleman's Club" and a $1000 cash advance from an ATM. I may no longer be a fiancé.
So, I think my BF has slept with several of our sorority sisters
Well, now that you know, yes he has. We didn’t say anything because you seemed so happy. He’s a great guy and none of us have any hard feelings, but yeah, we’re all very familiar with his penis and it’s talents
Nothing kills the mood like opening another guy’s dick pic in bed
Randomize
