Mr ***** is in bed with his super hot wife giving her 18 inches of pleasure
Why did every guy I have ever slept with have to come into the library today?
Woke up with a migrane, threw up blood, then my headache went away. I'm going to convince myself that it was just a bad batch of blood so I can drink again tonight
He tried to eat me out in the bath... I said it was a bad idea, but he said it was good snorkelling practice for vaca.
Plus my stomach has been speaking through my ass all day sending notes saying "fuck you" and "this is from your liver" or "i will kill you."
I'm drinking Leinenkugel through a Red Vine. I'm not drunk. I'm just happy with my life so far.
My internship group is made up of all freshman. Their enthusiasm for education and social interaction sickens me.
Oh my god i hate key west. No one takes amex and strippers took all my money
Still not over the fact that we prayed to Jesus to help us win beer pong
Sending a pic of labia to send to the TN Legislator. Obviously they don't think I know what to do with it so I'm gonna ask them for advice.
i don't know how to react to you in a diaper crying and calling a football 'sadie'.
Well I mean I HAD done a pretty good job of not pooping myself through the years
You have cats and a ten year IUD. Embrace it.
You’re sleeping on my couch so you’re not making dick appointments tonight
Imma make him fuck me with my jersey on tonight while I chant Go Jets Go. Gotta love playoff hockey szn.
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