I am not hooking up with him just to see what his penis looks like.
I just puked into a plastic bag at a red light. Go me.
Well, he sent me "techno kitty adventure" about 10 minutes ago. So, he could be anywhere.
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
Just so we're clear. I'm still making jello shots and bringing them to the bar in my purse. I don't care if its half off margaritas. Don't want anyone thirsty
Well I found you sipping ron diaz out of a child's dinosaur cup while sticking your fingers in the guy's fish tank and watching the "pirahnas" snap at your finger and laughing
I'm spoon feeding myself tequila for breakfast, should we skip class today?
We're discussing which museums we should go to when we shroom. How ill would Picasso be?
We didn't talk. I watched you drop an egg on the floor. And watched you praise your haunted broom.
I woke up to my one night stand and he said, "now that's the one to beat"
Drunkenly, I gave him a molly instead of an aleve so A) I'm still looking for him and B) I'm not sure about his headache.
I think I ingested my vampire fangs last night.
Found an elderly homeless guy with a Gandalf beard passed out on my porch. I put a Santa hat over his erect dick cause he was naked.
Man it shouldn't be possible to get mad while you're stoned. I feel like ive broken one of the laws of physics
It probably doesn't matter because I'm drunk...but I'm sorry for getting you drunk, having you almost lose your place to live, all your friends, permanently lose your liver functions, throwing up on my floor, losing virginity...etc...mostly I'm sorry for making you watch: cabin in the woods.
Randomize
