i havee beer in my backseat and a glow in the dark condom in my cleaveage.
you're going for the gold here.
im walking the streets of bville with a bag of cat food..looking for my car. i dont ever want to turn 21 again.
She got all mad because she said it was "unprofessional" to tell my manager to go fist herself.
The look I see on guys faces when they realize my nipples are pierced remind me of when my mom used to come home from the grocery store and surprise me with poptarts.
Did they have a limo or was i just stoned?
And theres a reasonable expectation that if you're fighting over a pair of yoga pants on the ground at VS someones gonna videotape it
I can't stream porn because Xbox live is taking all the Internet. I thought having a male roommate would make life easier.
He played the same pre-sex songs as his brother...
NO I FORBID YOU. THERE ARE BETTER VIRGINITIES OUT THERE WORTH KIDNAPPING.
I was so exhausted I thought about using my deep throat spray to stop my coughing.
i feel like i should invite him over so he can cockblock my roommate one last time before he graduates. for old times sake, ya know
No amount of beer will make me feel better about this. It's time for Emergency Whisky
A hefty woman and I mean hefty shoved her number in my pocket at the gym without as much as a hello, winked and kept walking. Going to use your bed to defile her, don't want her to know where I live or have my neighbors see! Thanks, you're a pal!
Family trip though. I generally don't wheel too much ass with the fam in tow. Despite the fact my parents would be pleased if I did.
He literally poured blue Gatorade on me after we had sex and said "good game" all over my white sheets
Randomize
