your horoscope this morning...very interesting...good luck today
I just put lube in Matt's bellybutton. He looks unhappy.
Mother fucker. I'm a 30J now. I'm fucking speechless
I like to think of it as a lesbian feast.
My building was evacuated who wants to quake and bake
Holy fuck, spaghetti burritos are the best idea I've ever had.
I have fiberglass splinters all over my hands and woke up with a sign that says PUMPKINS in my room.
I was standing when I hit it. I barely made it to the couch before the walls started turning into people.
He gave me a trycicle he stole from a kid as an "offering" to have sex. I couldnt say no when he went through all that.
If you're funny as hell and have a mustache, odds are I'm probably gonna fuck you
She drunkenly dropped her ranch for her pizza. She tried to clean it up with her hands off the street then realized it didn't work and started licking her fingers.
I'm not even the least bit surprised that I whored myself out for tiramisu
And then you screamed, "I JUST WANNA POUR MAPLE SYRUP ALL OVER HIM AND RAVISH HIS BODY!!"
I just remembered something. We made out last night, people cheered.
I'm too depressed to drink my wine. That is what I would call a serious problem
Randomize