so i stopped by cvs on the way home this morning, turns out hallmark doesnt make an im sorry my friend puked on your friend card, call me if were still speaking
I can't believe you let me try to pierce your nipple with a dart last night
Whoa. I woke up to 10 new text messages. All about bacon.
Are you really this nice or are you just trying to get in my pants?
Both?
You screamed for campus security to do something about the police officer who dumping ur 40
I can hear her blowing you man. All I hear is her saying 'yeah' over and over again.
In mid-threesome, need more condoms. Wearing a sheet to the gas station. I'll keep you posted
it is a toga and you are a goddess.
he told me while inside me and mid thrust that he's dreamed of that moment since high school... awkward
I feel like we should build an island for girls that have committed atrocious numbers of unforgivable sins. We'll call it 'whore island' after the anchorman fashion.
I woke up and there was pizza slices on the fucking walls of my room
I knew it was going to be a good night when my mom said "Have fun, be safe...wait, do you need any weed for tonight?"
HAPPY BIRTHDAY I ATE TOO MUCH OF AN EDIBLE AND TOLD MY BARISTA I LOVED HER
help. there is a guy in a bunny costume.
sometimes i just have a bad day n consider lowering my standards
Come on baby if you haven't had a Charleston chew eatin out of your ass you just ain't livin right.
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