Would you feel weird if I asked out ___?
You dont call on our son's bday but you want to know if I'll give you permission to date my best friend?
So...no?`
she's like the human form of herpes, as soon as you think she's gone for good you have another out break.
i barfeds in our rink
Drunken horseback riding is the absolute worst decision i've ever made in my life.
There are many reasons why he shouldn't come over. And each one is longer than his penis.
Saw the college gyno today. It has now been medically confirmed that I have a perfect vagina.
Was rudely woken up by strangers at 4:15am. I was leaning against the stoplight at 9th
I feel like the way dolphins mate would be the approach that a guy would have to use in order for you to sleep with them
Want to run by the liquor store later? Tequila Youn should really be in attendance at Party Mountain. No one else could be our spirit animal.
I never thought in a million years that I would have a threesome with my boss and his wife and yet here we are.
I'm talking to a corgi on tinder..wtf has my life come to
Even his sexts are poetic. He said breasts instead of tits so I'm gonna lock this shit down asap
my mom asked me why i was covered in scratches, blood, and dirt this morning..i answered "i was planking obviously" and walked away
Well hell, he's gotta sleep in the bed he's made. Multiple times. For multiple girls I'm sure.
So I'm buying milk, bread, yogurt & lube. Not awkward at all
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