At least you're going to bed with all the teeth you woke up with
Today a TA in one of my classes told me he thought I was 35 and going back to school as an adult learner. Alcohol is working me.
There's a girl n class drinking wine out of a taco bell cup. I can smell it.. it's totally reisling. JEALOUS.
there is way too much butter on my body for this to be okay
Pretty certain he passed out for a while going down on me. Absolutely certain he passed out during the blow job.
Babe, I need to be clear. I DO NOT WANT TO HAVE ANAL. Never. No anal. No "talking about it"
My mouth already tastes like senor cuervo took a piss in it and it's barely 1 am
it's 10:36pm. Do you know where your penis should be?
He was all like, "I've prayed every single day just for one more night with you."
Omg just give him a quick handy and walk out.
You gave me balls I gave you half a boob. Fair trade
YOU TOLD ME THAT YOU CAUGHT A TAXI HOME. SARAH SAID THE POLICE DROPPED YOU OFF.
Puking on the side of the road and legitimately just got a head nod and thumbs up from an 80 year old man on a Segway... What the fuck?
He told me he doesn't want to fuck anymore because he needs to focus on school. Either he grew a vagina or he's secretly gay, it has to be one of the two.
he showed me his third nipple on the first date. I might have low to no standards, but my god.
I WAS SURROUNDED BY HAIRY BALLS ALL ALONE.
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