The smartest thing I've heard Obama do is call Kayne West a jackass
just so you know, the uglier twin gives better bjs..don't be deceived
Yeah he kicked my ass... He probably wouldnt have hit me as hard though if I wasnt lauging and yelling " I fucked your sister I fucked your sister" over and over again.
after he came i started crying. just to fuck with his head.
Im celebrating the fact that the one guy who has ever denied me has just come out of the closet
When the cops knocked on the door, he just knocked back and announced "house keeping"
Dwarf fight at five guys. Today was a good day.
Your lack of dedication to alcohol is forcing me to drink with my ex husband. U suck
I'm not really made for random hookups.. i'm like a swan.. i don't wanna have random swan sex. i just wanna have one swan hubby and fly around the world together and eat bread that people throw at us..
He's my BOYFRIEND but he won't sext me. I'll be like, "tell me how you want to fuck me", and he's like, "I love how we can talk about our feelings". FUCK
Batteries died. I don't care that you're studying for the bar. Come over. Bring the law books and study after. I'll even make coffee.
I have like three friends I don't have sex with, what did you expect
Sexting my TA in lecture = awesome
I got conspiracy theory drunk.
The police officer that arrested me Friday night just bought me a shot
Randomize
