im so horny i just used my electric toothbrush to masturbate. god help me
she was drooling, sharted in her sleep, rolled over stuck her hand under the covers pulled it back out, smelled it and moaned and rolled back over. i almost added puke to the disgusting bodily fluid category.
I thought it was kinda weird that her ten yearold sister was playing bartender, but hey, the girl makes a damn good drink
I am intoxicated and cannot bring you a burrito. However, if you want to bring ME one...
Should we discuss the rug burns on my back or just save that for a separate conversation
Cocaine Wednesdays have to stop turning into no work Thursday
You know Im horny if Im walking around in my lingerie and sex robe. It's my field of dreams mentality. If I wear it, he will come.
Are you around on Saturday? Feeling a trip over
Wet with either fear or sexual excitement
I think a mixture of both is appropriate
I love you more with every blowjob.
You should write for Hallmark.
Sex should always be followed by Chinese food in bed.
He stared me down while singing "Let Me Love You" to me while we were having sex. I don't know whether to marry him or file a restraining order.
I feel like I would find myself in so much trouble if I hadn't married my DD.
Nothing says "i love you" more than flowers and potatoes
The dicks good but it's not two trains and a bus good.
Being drunk at Chick-fil-A is a dystopian experience
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