the more pounds shes got the more points. bonus points awarded for specialty moves used. aka broken cowboy, tobogan, dutch oven, or brazilian fake out.
I saw your purple underwear in the road this morning.
I told you it's awful. It looks like he was eating honey at a barbershop and tripped.
im wtih 32a right now bc 34d is on her period. now i know how girls feel when their hookups go from magnums to regulars
I could end up kidnapped. Or worse, the night will be really awkward.
I just had a boat ride of shame. With Senior Citizens.
I drove 5 hours to see her. She thanked me by getting shitfaced, inviting her boyfriend over, and making me sleep on the couch after I cooked for them and did the dishes. You're right. I'm a fucking doormat.
Oh God! I'm naked from the waist down playing records. Too drunk. I don't even know what to do.
Balls out but with a shirt on. Eating ravioli. I don't know how to deal with this.
she put on her moms wedding dress and is chugging purple jolly rancher vodka, happy cyber monday
In other news I may have fractured my masturbating arm
At least it wasn't your drinking arm
He was too drunk, and my mother and I ended up babysitting him. He told her I have amazing mouth skills, and that I love the "chorizo" he feeds me. All she said was "And on the list of 30 things you never want to hear about your daughter..." while gripping the steering wheel.Please just fucking kill me now.
If you got me high enough to laugh at a ceiling fan until I shat my pants you should at least have the decency to buy me another pair
I think I've been inadvertently participating in a contest to see how many times I can show up to work hungover in my first year of teaching. And I'm the only participant. Not sure if I'm winning or losing.
All of my friends are hooking up and here I am, the lone asexual, looking for someone to eat these tostitos with me.
My Boss was giving porn recommendations. I think I'm scarred for life.
Randomize
