im sure we could have fun without alcohol but i just dont wanna chance it...
she always made me post sex PB&Js it was like fucking a trashier Martha Stewart
i had confetti in my bra
i still find it in random places like a shoe or my car. that week haunts me
Picking up hoes with my dad is going to make it a little harder, but ay, if thats how he wants to bond after 23 years, Ill give it a shot
I forgot to tell you, wear something you can puke on Saturday. We're christening this marriage with a shot of jager. NOT KIDDING.
I'm approaching homosexuality at an increasingly alarming rate with each break up.
The girl in the stall next to me is puking her brains out, I'd say she had just a good a weekend as us
I gave her some alkaseltzer ad she looked at me lke I was god
Dumb decision of the night...walking home drunk and smelling my pepper spray
So I almost just died there. And we need a new garage door.
Like, she can be the shepard of the gays. Delivering him unto homosexuality.
Also, what day were you thinkin we should trip balls at the children's museum?
It's days like today that make me happy I'm not a porn star.
Btw I'm playing passed out so you can get laid but obviously you need to take the offense just ask him if he wants to go to bed and leave a cigg on the counter
the sex got boring after the first three hours
holy shit
she just kept straddling the railing to the stairs and shouting "come on Seabiscuit, lets win this for America."
Randomize