Great. Don't do shady things like that ok?
My 12 y/o god son's bandmate just asked me to their school dance. Still he's a better catch than the last one...
There is a banner on a house by campus that says "welcome to college dads. Thanks for dropping off your daughters!"
PS, you're not being slutty, you're "making dreams true."
Putting the night light in my bathroom cabinet was the best idea ever. Awesome for puking while light sensitive
I smell like fire and strippers. Successful sunday funday.
don't judge, it's breakfast wine Wednesday.
I used to be terrified of what was under your bed until I passed out there last night. Now it just feels like home.
When were you at my house?
I'm pretty sure they kept making references about gangbanging me but I was too stoned to catch on, I just sat there and stared at his kitten.
Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face.
All these girls I talk to are like I've never had a hangover and I'm like you don't drink right here let me show you
Hey its me your friend who impressed the pharmacist by already knowing the generic version of plan b by name
I just can't even fathom the crazy and I work at a mental hospital.
You introduced yourself and she said "wow that's a long name" and you went "yeah well you should see my dick."
Yeah you're weird. You once told me you would by me a house in the middle of sex. Like as you were thrusting.
Randomize
