How you know a guy is gay: they say they would want money, not sexual favors, from emma watson
Took it a bit far last night. While leaving his house, I sent myself a text that said, 'you're still pretty"
Just spent a extra 20 minutes on the phone with the lady from unemployment talking about how to make the best brownies.
We've been broken up for 7 months. His mom sent me a card with a brochure inside titled "How at Risk for STD's are you?"
i honestly don't know why someone didn't cut me off after i broke the ceiling lamp with MY HEAD
Her facebook status said "just got a sign from god". I texted her and apparently she found a slice of pizza in the shower.
You almost married that.
Well I don't know him that well so I don't think I can give advice. You should make him a cake. Or have sex with him.
If I don't end up being a booty call for Valentine's Day, you wanna go to the movies?
Tonight just try not to threaten to pee on the hot guys buying us drinks....please..
We walked in and someone handed her an unopened bottle of jack with her name on it. She's like a drunken celebrity.
So just what does one wear when attending a sex toy party with ones mother-in-law?
Jeans and a nice top.
Woke up in a hotel room with some random guy then walked over a mile to the bus stop where I laid down and waited on the bus. GREAT NIGHT
You added his wife on Facebook?! You're horrible at this mistress thing
Be quiet or buzz aldrin will come beat you up with science
Neighbor is sitting on his porch looking like he made some terrible life decisions and I just want to be like "I drank half of a handle of peach vodka in a shed last night. I understand" but I think they're swingers so his night probs sucked more.
Randomize
