2 bagels in my tummy and my herpes on my mind
i called him pencil dick in front of over half of his fraternity brothers...
...never gotten so many high fives in my life! fuck ya i win!
Vegas is awesome. Its like you have a kentucky accent girls automatically assume you don't have herpes.
you were stumbling around in your attic looking for all your swim team medals because you wanted to "feel like a champion."
Just saw a motorized bathtub. I think this college thing is gonna work out.
I'm too hungover to be in a fucking cow suit right now
just found out this city drinks more beer during oktoberfest than rhode island does in a year.. i'm never leaving
Its like "fucckkkkk yooouuuuuu" is echoing up my esophagus
tequila?
yep
It's okay. My lingerie drawer is skanky enough for the two of us. Even across borders.
I just karate chopped a humming bird out of mid air. It came at my face while I was out side smoking. Scared the shit out of me. My ninja skills just took over. Haha. I mean really at that point it was me or him.
Every now and then I'll meet one who is talented in the art of shower gymnast.
I ate pizza in bed, sans pants, and then carved a pumpkin. FUNCTIONING ADULT MOTHERFUCKERS!
my ex's current girlfriend held my hair as I threw up. new low.
It true. It written in the Bible.
Yes I remember that, right next to the passage where jesus said unto his disciples, pop molly, fuck bitches amen
If you wake up, and some of your hair is singed off, it probably has something to do with the lit cigarette you put in your hair. You said it could double as a bobby pin...?
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