i just caught my roommate coming out of the bathroom half naked with a surge protector. he told me he didn't wanna talk about it.
That shot tasted like Sant Claus came in my mouth. I love the holidays.
Just saw the first guy I gave head to lose in the french open...some how I feel better that my mistake made it to the same mistake as our relationship, the third round. Don't judge.
He was pretty out of it. He heard crickets outside, and thought it was the laptop. So he put his ear to it, rubbed the keyboard, and said "tell me your secrets."
booty call hours are between 1:30-3:00 AM thurs-sat with the exception of major drinking holidays and election days. please try again
At the bar. Madeline and I totally brought our own pitcher from home because they always run out. Hello alcoholism.
As a general rule, drunkenness and gymnastics do not mix.
Bro, she used the potato bongs to make French fries after. She's deff a keeper.
Bro, there is a rent-a-cop selling syringes out of the trunk of his car. This is why I hate the DMV.
Be subtle and tell lucas that he should sleep here tonight. And by subtle, i mean show him this text...
Also, there's the possibility of falling 5 feet to your death to make it more exciting
In which case I will yell FIVE SECOND RULE and continue to slam you
You pole danced in your parka.
I just want the relationship Bob and Linda Belcher have- is that too much to ask?!
Is there a reason why your pubic hair is a plastic bag on my bathroom floor? And yes I know its yours... You wrote your name on the bag
Now, I know I say this a lot, but you've obviously never seen my penis.
Randomize