I made the bartender pinky promise me there was still vodka in my drinks.
Someone wrote Kyle's bitch on me too. I dont even know who Kyle is.
its not a party unless mikie exposes himself
I think my hand is broken. But his nose definitely is
The shit show didn't end. it just relocated itself to my apartment instead of yours.
you also need to get my treadmill fixed.
God I hope my hair dresser doesn't realize that all these hairspiration pictures are from gay porn blogs on tumblr.
She's the worst person, but the best naked person
I'm kinda amazed by how many times I've texted the word penis today.
Nope if you can't be there for me emotionally, then my vagina can't be there for you physically. That's my rule.
When I took off my jeans he became more excited about my Elmo underwear than sex but to be fair, who can blame him. They're awesome undies.
he told me "apparently my gag reflex doesn't work so if you magically grew a penis I would deep throat you"
How about we just fuck in random places all around campus, and skip the boring relationship part?
you just rode your bike home from a one night stand in a stolen skirt with no underwear and you're telling ME to reevaluate life choices?!
Just don't have sex while watching Home Alone. It will ruin Christmas for you.
I was doing good, then they gave me free shots
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