I changed my tire completely alone.. I could totally win survivor
Its my greatest physical accomplishment
I think you're the first person to ever call Louisville, KY a "romantic getaway".
Yeah, you spent an hour in front of the mirror trying to reenact the Sailor Moon theme song.
I literally just saw a campus policeman riding a Segway pull over a moving car. you should just give up.
I've decided that my new worst fear is that I'll end up on "I Didn't Know I was Pregnant"
I convinced a girl to do a shot of salsa someone fell through the whole on the porch and Sara swallowed a beer tab
Turns out shot glasses hold the perfect serving of sour patch kids....I still fail to see how not having any real glasses is an issue
two fat guys on crotch rockets just invited me to 'party' with them at a del taco. why does this keep happening to me?
These fall allergies are really hindering my cocaine habit.
The novelty of Nekkid Straight Roommate has faded.
Taking advantage of alcohol's depressant capabilities to curtail my fever. SCIENCE!
So you're mad that you saw a penis at a swinger's party? That's rational
Now with the essential back story, I can empathize. Sorry about your beer and butthole.
Damn. Looks like nobody I know is doing anything interesting. Guess it's another slut-it-up-with-strangers sort of night.
I used to want you to marry him...Now I just think you deserve a bigger penis than that.
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