RAWRRRR IMA PURPLE DINO
dude i'm sitting right next to you.. stop texting me
Thanks for the drunken voicemail of bird calls. Love and miss you, too.
I think i smell like relationship. That's my problem.
Honestly... isn't she a psych major? how does she go through life NOT realizing that everything she does is a cry for help?
I woke up this morning and the lid to the back of my toilet was missing. Dahfaq do I do with this shit?
Can we talk about how i am holding a tupperware container of my own puke in the back of my grandparents car while my sister drives
So I got lost trying to find you guys and ended up proposing to a bride in a bachelorette party with a condom.
We just stood there eating chocolate chip pancakes, watching you sleep on the bathroom floor.
Bro, if we got a house, it'd basically be a revolving door for slightly overweight, but extra cute, sexually deviant girls with daddy issues.
We're at the liquor store. Then going to the hospital
I mean I've only met the girl once and she was trying to slit some guys tires.
I thought we agreed to no sexting at the school bake sale...
Was make out with a 38 year old lesbian on our bucket list? if it was you can go ahead and cross that one off.
Hey
Gfdhklhgfxzyuikl$
GODDAMNIT WHY AM I MISSING THIS
Three cans of beer can fit in the shower catty... multi tasking
Randomize
