It's like there's a party and my mouth and everyone's throwing up
All i've done since I got back to my room today is take a three hour nap. Like, I even planned to change my pants and haven't even done that yet.
Sometimes one must go to great lengths and make great sacrifices to get drunk. I willingly accept the challenge.
If you don't remember anything tomorrow, this is to remind you that you asked me in secret to build a bobsled with you and re-enact Cool Runnings.
It is official. It's the year of doin married chicks. Similar to the year of virgins but without all the baggage.
Haha I'm surprised I didn't see you I was drunkenly buying $70 in merchandise including a vibrating cock ring at that cvs around that time
I wish there was an emoji to express our Eskimo Brothership
i had a super strange, mommy/daddy issuestastic, mildly freudian, i-might-as-well-become-a-stripper-now-and-stop-fighting-the-inevitable dream last night :(
Soooo we should kick it sometime when it's like light outside. Drink outta cups.. Be bitches. 7, 6, 3, 5.. 4, 2, 1... Sschhkiddaellladiieessscchk
He walked in wearing nothing but a WWF belt and yelled "THE CHAMP... IS... HEEERE!!!"
Are you vicariously golddigging through me?!
Man, I'm real high and googling what all my favorite figure skaters from childhood are doing now.
I'm not sure if I should pay him or he should pay me, but someone should get paid for the sex I had this morning.
so i find a box of condoms inside my car with turn by turn directions to her bedroom... kinda freaked out cause she got my address and somehow inside my car
I could hear it slapping against his thighs under the robe!!!!!!!!! You are a lucky girl!
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