this girl is running around outside screaming, it's creaming on me! it's creaming on me. I totally have to find my video camera
I want to poop on a bird, just to show them what it's like.
It's an acquired taste. Like keystone. Or caviar.
no, i'm not a lesbian.. i just really want to fuck you while drinking, thats normal in a friendship.
Having a pigeon watch you poop is just creepy. Drunk or not.
I will now attempt to shave my public hair into a Christmas tree.
We just took turns doing keg stands. 27 is way too old for this. Out of 5 of us, our best time was 9 seconds.
isnt this the same guy you hooked up with on his birthday and he then asked, "you were at me birthday?" the next time you were together?
So we get back to the hotel room and Tom strips off his clothes... His first sexual act as my fiance? Helicopter dick. I gave him a high five.
Dude I'm riding a fucking tortoise this is awesome you should come with me more often
When he texted me, I got a little wet. Until he asked me to get Jimmy Johns before I got to his house.
I may or may not have hooked up with the cop who arrested me.. Or I can cross hooking up with a stripper in a cop outfit off my bucket list.
No worries, I've prioritized my homework into "can do drunk" and "should be sober" categories. We're good.
I think our maternal nature is best focused on grown ass men and cats.
i got kicked out of the casino for drunken disorderly conduct because i kept stumbling into old people and one of them told on me. as the boucer was taking down my information so i could no re-enter i ripped my id out of his hands while yelling fuck you.
Randomize
