Well, McDonalds 'escorted' me out after I passed out mid-order
He was waring a speedo fashioned out of american flag bandanas and when he got hard he said "you're such a patriot...raising the american flag like that"
He posted on my wall. Idk if I'm ready for that big of a commitment.
For my job application I just put "community gardener- personal business" for my previous work experience in place of the neighborhood pot grower/distributor
If I don't have herpes this will be the single greatest day of my life
I'm in class. I'm not opening a page with the words "death erection" in the link. There's people behind me lol.
Wow that was a lesbian tornado.
What's the protocol when you drive the girl's head into the wall during sex and she starts to cry?
Most awkward car ride ever. Kid in the front seat was bawling, 2 in the backseat were ready to fight, and I was giving the last kid a handie. This needs to stop happening to us.
You get home ok?
Uh, you stopped by my house at 4 am and woke me up, so yeah.
fucked a girl in Bentley hall at ten tonight, came on the carpet and I plan on doing it in another building soon. Watch where you walk
And if I could both stabilize myself *and* pick things up with my penis... Well, I wouldn't be on the fire dept...
I actually feel bad for him. He has me as a girlfriend and he's like a saintly cleanly person... And I'm over here telling him to jizz on my back and shit.
"We drove to the deserted part of the parking lot, and that's where we blew each other. It was so romantic."
probably because i sent a bunch of guys a snap saying happy one year to my nipple piercings
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