Why would I want to inherit a sex machine used by my grandma?
McDonalds has hash browns for only a quarter!....how many u want?
All of them
I tried ok? my penis just doesnt like her as much as my mother does
giving a 30 min presentation still drunk is like giving birth, upside down in a pit of snakes while being on fire.
I woke up wearing nothing but 7 partially eaten candy necklaces. Only one was around my neck. Don't even try to tell me I don't need plan B.
On your way out, lock the front door. And by lock the front door, I mean find the door handle, reattach it, and then lock it.
maybe volvos are so family friendly and safe because they're extremely uncomfortable to get fucked on.
I needed a test subject that didn't know any of my friends so that if i screwed up no one would really know or spread rumours about how it was the worst bj ever
I took in his dog. My exboyfriend still calls me for 2 things, blow jobs and animal rescue. I need to end this cycle
We were Chugging coronas for the soul purpose of launching limes out of the 3rd story window, I'd say it was a good weekend
It's the best! If I had one wish it would be for life to be one really long gay porno. Thats what I wish for during every 11:11.
Don't be weirded out, but my bondage straps are made of my ex boyfriend's curtains
Puked in the trash can. Took a bite of someone's breadstick and kept dancing and drinking
I just found your "it's drinking time" note in my chem notes. Why did this never happen??
I was waiting for you to find it...I'll be over in 5
Got so drunk I broke my sink in half. Not. Lying.
Randomize
