I swear if she hugs me I'm going to bleach my body
Its way too early to be sitting naked at his dining room table...
You took all of my sister's dolls and threw them out the window and then you started talking to her etcha sketch and mr. potato head. I later found you passed out in front of Toy Story and it all made sense.
blowing a .13 at 10 AM isn't nearly as cool as I thought it would be.
I love taking my adderall while im in class! As soon as I take the pill out everyone around me just stares in envy!
Because ur a stupid bitch
Actually, I'm graduating from college on Saturday so that makes me a well educated bitch.
she gave me a handjob in the middle of the night and my stomach growled so she walked out totally naked and came back 5 minutes later with two sandwiches. who the fuck says getting married is awful?
fuck. I just remembered I agreed to let you finger me last night for solely for "scientific purposes"
I'm pretty sure I just discovered what the American Dream is said the person eating a hotdog for breakfast in bed in her underwear
Dude, the coffee is horrible this morning, Cass changed something about it
We ran out of Bailey's Irish cream...
This is what regular coffee tastes like?!?! Fuck the adult life.
Something bad happened. I'm just giving you some notice. So you can smoke some pot and hide all sharp items in the house.
Wrong. I really wanted to see the movie. And she was on top of me like she was riding a mechanical bull. Who am I to complain? I live to serve.
Yeah because the only thing stopping you from fucking Emma Watson is you not being a Gryffindor
Honestly no idea how dad figured out i did all that gay porn unless he was looking at gay porn.
Decisions were made. The quality of them will be judged tomorrow
Randomize
