It is obvious to me now why clam chowder & beer aren't a good combo.
nutella sex= disaster
normally i'm against accepting campers on facebook but this one saw me giving head to another counselor and didn't say shit about it to my boss so i feel like shes earned the right to look at my sloppy drunk pictures
There was booze on his face and I wanted it. I'm not sorry.
Just got kicked out of two hot tubs. We were naked the second time. So awkward getting out in front of the security guard.
I. recorded a message of me yelling at myself to "get up out of that bed" and set it an alarm. REALLY loud
You were crying in a drunken stupor for an hour because "the new daft punk album didn't blow your tits off"
I was chasing pulls of fireball with bites of a bagel and yelling at people to take tequila shots with me. I shouldn't be allowed to go out alone.
My brother just text me asking if I was ready for the blowjob of my life.
Getting robbed by hookers is def a right of passage in a mans life
Status: mom bitching about grandma not shutting the fuck up, while not shutting the fuck up. Dear Jesus give me strength or more bourbon.
She wants to have a threesome with Taylor Swift. I think this is the kind of love my grandparents spoke of.
Woke up this morning to a bunch of snapchats of you drunkenly yelling at grasshoppers. Good night?
I’m honestly just flattered that you think I could make PornHub’s Top 10.
If you shit your pants and not say anything about it right before we have sex one more time I'm dumping you.
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