hah yeah. there was a kid puking in the bathroom and this idiot brings in a potted plant and was like "yeah he's like, not getting enough oxygen"
Judging by the fact that my hair was glued to my head with vomit, yeah I think I couldve used a friend last night
Am I texting you while being used as a stripper pole by two half-naked women? hint: I am.
She ditched her BF in the library to come see me wasted at a house party and i still ended up banging that rugby chick instead.
Just thought you should know that we coat checked our fairy wings last night. Getting belly up to the bar was way more important that wearing our costumes.
I found your knife. It was stuck in my bedroom ceiling.
His penis smells like laundry I just wanted to cuddle it
Just me, my martini, and my backup Martini.
We were at dinner and dad asked me to pass the salt and I suddenly remembered doing body shots when I was blacked out last weekend.
The nice lady at the neighborhood liquor store informs me that we have a new woman-run neighborhood sex shop. Jesus loves me and wants me to have a happy Valentine's day.
They said you went back in for 30 minutes and were walking with your arms out like an eagle soaring
I threw up in my brother's Easter basket
On a scale of 1-10, how inappropriate is it to sneak into someone's box of sex toys and put googly eyes on their vibrator?
I had to explain to the doctor why I'm peeing blood. He still didn't believe a girl would have that much sex... You could feel the judgement forming in the room when I went into the details...
Damn, well a girls gotta get laid too
If I have put a neon “vacancy” sign on my skirt for him to get the picture I will.
Randomize
