Have you ever slowed down next to the oldest people on the highway while getting road head just to see their extended reaction?
Don't really want to talk about it. You were right. She had a whole jar of toenail clippings on her nightstand that she chews on "when her fingernails are too short." Direct quote.
i cant wait for all this BS that is happening with Tiger to happen to Tebow
I'm so ready for finals. She finally agreed to skypesex me from spain so now i'm up until 4am studying every morning waiting for her to get online
I just wanna not walk straight. Is that too much to ask for?
She shouted out halfway through "that costume does nothing to hide your cock". Last time we let her drink at the theatre.
You talked about giving to sperm banks on a first date. What did you expect?
By the way. I expect to test the theory of you running a mile drunk for memorial day.
I like that you're Jewish, because you can rail me on Christmas Eve and it won't be weird.
I was chasing pulls of fireball with bites of a bagel and yelling at people to take tequila shots with me. I shouldn't be allowed to go out alone.
Come here I'm naked
And I want mozzarella sticks
almost just sent your mom a dick pic. almost.
She did what?
Who. The correct term is she did who.
Did you see him? The correct term is definitely what.
My breath smells like gin and sadness
You should probably come home from vacation now. I make badddd decisions when you're gone.
Randomize
