well thats why i like him. because he makes you happy. on the other hand i think he masturbates too much while texting you.
i seriously have like 9 pictures of people taking shots out of a vag on my camera....
Let's just say, at one point i got woken up at 4am by a naked guy who was offering me steak, in a cup.
He threw up in the campfire, the alcohol in his puke caught on fire. Im marrying this man
There's a good chance a guy sucked off my right earring last night
Pretty sure that's a used tampon hanging from the tree outside my window.
antibiotics and champagne: breakfast of champions
You motherfucker. I just had an MRI with a penny under my boob.
I just found a weed leaf in my leg hair..
It all went downhill when I figured out I could launch myself into people with my crutches
I lowered my expectations when he started off saying "ah missionary, my specialty"
Yeah I'm just gonna shower and drink a gallon of coffee and drunkenly write my research paper. It'll be fine
Idk I wanna make it till midnight but I also want tequila
I offered to trade my cat for a bottle of tequila as long as it had a handle on it and realized I had a problem
Well, he pretended he was climbing me like he was a monkey and I was a tree during sex.
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