I ride home in a shopping cart. Don't at like you aren't jealous.
I hate thxgiving break now because that totally means I'm not able to have sex for a week.
I think this baby is eyeing my beer
the tile , carpet , walls , cabinets , even the ceiling ... there is Jello everywhere
it was your idea to have indoor Jello wrestling man
Took 45 minutes to masturbate. Fuck you Zoloft. I'm never gonna be diagnosed with depression again
I just can't have sex with a guy who has nicer eyebrows than me
Penises. Everywhere.
You're. Welcome.
Just made a list of all the guys I've hooked up with. "Roofie tattoo eyelids", "xanex night guy", "rainy concert", "cory blanket" and "naked hottub guy" made it.
Fuck. I have to get my shit together by lunch. Mission impossible.
By the way, anytime you want to go toe to toe on Doggystyle lyrics just let me know!
Who is this? Did we just become best friends?!
Btw, you're my emergency contact at Planned Parenthood
And I threw up 26 times yesterday. I actually think I threw up a spider too.
he's like crack. I can't be in the same room with him while drunk and not do him.
It was like a baby arm holding another baby arm holding an apple grove. Fuckin huge!
Sexual side note: sushi and cum do not mix well. That is all.
Randomize
