do you want me to make hamburgers?
i'm vegan
i'll put lettuce on them
Oh no, it isn't official until she poops.
Going to get tested monday. You're coming with. Bonding time, slut style.
I woke up this morning to 7 word documents that all said "remember to be extremely angry at your jerk of a brother." What the hell did you do to me last night?
We just took turns doing keg stands. 27 is way too old for this. Out of 5 of us, our best time was 9 seconds.
Whiskey + Water + Crystal Lite does NOT = refreshing summer time drink.....
Things I can say. There is a photo of me pouring whipped cream into a midgets mouth.
This is a pre-sorry for hitting on and then sleeping with you're ex
Every concussion has its silver lining
Then I hope you find a set of extremely intelligent, flexible triplets in the ethnicity of your choice.
That is the nicest thing anyone has ever wished for me
and the oscar for 'most creative swearing' goes to you for 'jesus's bloody fucksticks'
Spending the night with him made me realize that stupid people both irritate and fascinate me, so I'd say it equaled itself out.
why is there a wheelchair in the hall and why does it look like we banged in it?
I might volunteer to give breath samples on the 17th where I would be required to get drunk and then give samples! THE POLICE WOULD PAY ME AND PROVIDE THE ALCOHOL!
Okay but look at his jawline. I NEED TO RIDE IT.
Randomize
