There was a fist fight in my basement last night at four in the morning, in case you were wondering
So how was he last night?
Five-minute foot-long.
so he shaved. down there. and before he took his pants off i thought it was hot but then all i could think about were the naked mole rats from 7 grade science class.
Sorry, I don't speak sober.
I don't care how bad it tastes, i just put it in my mouth and deal with it
i was mowing the lawn and found the coffee pot in the bushes
I'm shutting down my vagina temporarily...it's like the last two weeks were a going out of business sale...and now it needs a break...
Walking in to my alcoholic Assessment meeting with a black eye = 40% awkward 60% awesome
Oh, and trying to figure out who wants to do Molly in a frat is like asking damn children if they want puppies and candy. So just bring as much as possible.
Whenever I'm hungover I try to stay in public as much as possible, hoping to be a cautionary tale to children. It's a public service, really.
He didn't get how "starting a flash flood in my thunderhole" was a sexy euphemism. Deal breaker.
only I would find a long lost relative through a craigslist casual encounters ad
He was watching porn and riding a stationary bike in the living room
I'm sorry I lead life with my vagina.
How drunk are you?
Completed.
Randomize
