I feel like a bad episode of csi trying to figure everyone's DNA that's in me
i was out of cigarettes so i took the butts out of the ashtray, emptied them out, and proceeded to roll one big Frankenstein cigarette.
So..I walked into his bathroom and found a bong and a blender in the shower.....normal?
She bent the beer can with her tongue. I'm scared of what she'll do to me
Seius question. Does a penis floar when ina baht? Must find out.
Would you be offended if I asked you to smoke a blunt with me while I pooped?
Can't a white girl just get drunk on a Sunday night and eat rice crispy treats. SHIT
Do you want the fat one with an ok face or the skinny ugly one?
It doesn't matter as long as our shame is in tandem.
i keep seeing little orange spots im starting to freak out
you tried mixing adderall in your visine last night..
We drunkenly built a couch fort and fucked in it. I've known her since preschool. This was every childhood fantasy mixed with adult dreams come true.
I swear every time I see him he's either dancing or trying to touch people
She's the good dick fairy. You buy her a beer and half an hour later the best lay in the place is asking to take you home.
Throwing my sister a bisexual bachelorette party was the best idea ever. I made out with both strippers and the hot bartender promised to "gay marry" me if I take him as my date to the wedding.
You told me you didn't want to go to the hospital because you were drunk, but because you didn't want to leave the "fun".
He told me my car had really nice leather seats right before he jizzed all over them.
Randomize
