I used a bag of wine as a pillow last night.
I think I tried picking up these girls last night by asking them what their favorite color was...I obviously woke up alone
I have a pussy blister if you wanna poke at it with a needle tomorrow...by this text i realize just how strange our relationship is, especially because you're probably excited
I think you mean your blister is filled with pus...atleast i hope
I think this dress is screaming I want a birthday 3some with two moderately attractive guys. I hope.
Omg. There's def a kid, like 10 years old, sitting in a buggy at wal mart holding a sign that reads "I can't behave"
I took her to see 2012 then broke up with her, the movie was a metaphor.
NBC reported that a group almost has enough signatures to submit pole dancing as an Olympic sport in 2016...
God I fucking love America.
Ok so now that we've actually had sex do I get the last name or are u really witness protection status?
I think that the jello shots in bowls is where it all went wrong.
Mcdonalds hasn't even finished serving breakfast yet and u two are getting drunk?
You could be a whistle.. And just ask bitches if they want to blow you all night
I admit it could have gone better but look at it this way, since I broke the urn you don't have to worry about spreading the ashes.
What's the polite way to say "hey I don't actually want to fuck you, I just swiped right on you because you didn't like me in high school and I needed validation"
She pinched my nipples too hard I THINK THEYRE GONE
I TOLD YOU ABOUT GOTH CHICKS BRO. I WARNED YOU
He climbed over 2 rows of the cab and told some random girl we were riding with that he would be in the back seat if she wanted to have sex
Randomize