I just am on my way home.. i had 3 and one startd crying and puking.. so they went home. one bitch fuckin ruined it for evryone.. u playin cards?
Rock
Scissors
Fuck
Note: footlong is not the password to the subway wi fi network.. p.s- im super high
How does one fall all the way up a flight of stairs? Its hard on me knowing that the survival of our species depends on me not reproducing.
I told him I'd rather have sex with his father last night. I'll admit now that I was drunk.
Maybe its all the xanax she takes but she literally has NO shame
I wish my brain had a "congrats you just defeated the munchies" notification!
I'm like a savant for remembering names I learned while I was drunk. Seriously, I'm three for three. I'm on a roll.
I'm eating those little wheels of cheese and watching storage wars, this is the opposite of sex.
Had a guy spin me around at the bar, kiss me then say "oh shit you're not who I thought you were" and then walk away.
If if makes you feel any better, you're definitely the hottest guy I've ever friendzoned.
I faked more orgasms with him then ever should be allowed for someone this pretty.
How is it possible that I'm still a virgin and you've managed to have sex in a cheetah print onesie TWICE
You've changed since you got that strap on
Did I tell you that I told him I deleted his dick pics and he almost started crying?
Randomize
