And her vagina tasted EXACTLY like a slim jim
Dude, this place has 10% alcohol beer on tap. It's like God's semen.
I have a drunk 6th sense to lyrics of songs i dont know. It only works when i dance..
flash back: i gave smirnoff to a group of children at walmart
my friend asked What a UTI was in front of everyone, letts just say his girlfriend was a lil pissed
It was fun until I shot a pea out of my nose while throwing up. Left over tuna casarole at 3Am was a terrible choice.
I think she just stepped in a piece of mac and cheese, picked it off the bottom of her foot and ate it.
Is your answer to that text seriously a right parenthesis
I just blocked a guy on grindr for having a little dick. See? I do have standards.
When asked if they had been introduced, Damo said "No but I know we've pretty much fucked all the same girls in town"
This is the third year in a row that Mario has fallen through a table on New Years. I'm sensing a tradition developing.
Just went to my first strip club and they had Fox News on. Conservative booty time.
All I want for my birthday to be fingered and eat pizza
Ahh yes. I lost my pants and swimming suit and phone charger. And I've found out who has them all even while hungover. Successful day. Nice party too.
I went to my AA meeting last night. My drug dealer is now my counselor.
Randomize
