If you're gonna cry pregnant again I'm not coming over.
I wish i could sleep and get drunk at the same time...those are my 2 biggest needs right now
like semen in my mouth is absolutely disgusting but i'd still like to experience it
Just rolled over and found your boyfriend in bed with me. Is mine at your house?
I feel awful
Physically or morally
Physically. The only immoral thing I did was steal money from strippers while they gave me lapdances.
I just got peed on. This karma circle is starting to get vicious.
Well I think it's fate. Considering march is my fave month because it's my birthday and st. Patrick's day. And his name is Patrick. I'm sleeping with him all through march. No question.
The door opens out but somehow she managed to kick it in..
We'll find out our level of friendship after tonight. You'll be helping me move a body. My body.
My roommates said duck dynasty was stupid ... toto i don't believe we're in kansas anymore.
The other day, he sent me a snapchat of his dick in the forest. He captioned it "nature nudes."
Well I didn't get a shacker shirt but I somehow managed to come home with superman socks
Watching the series finale of Friends and crying in my Thai food. I don't like hangover Jared.
I'm sorry about the spring break comment. I won't make anymore pornos, I promise.
wtf guys I thought we agreed on no more knives. So much for not destroying the house
Randomize
