It's a sad day when you have to slightly move your fupa to shave.
so, just learned that EVERYONE heard pretty much everything last night. my roommates were surprised to learn you're a dirty talker.
It's like Facebook knows when I'm about to masturbate and tells me to reconnect with exes.
I woke him up and he was mumbling something about it being moist, or he peed himself but it was okay.
I am literally using a balloon as a pillow on a park bench.
Please don't drown this weekend. It would be a shame to lose a dick like yours.
I'm really proud of myself for not blacking out yet this weekend!
It's a Thursday.
I woke up because a stranger was shoving an already lit bowl into my mouth. Spring break is awesome
I legitimately thought I was gonna die getting finger banged to ja rule in the back of your car last night.
I felt that there wouldn't be enough planB and forgiveness to go around
saw a dude wearin soccer cleats at the bar tonight. fuckin kiddin me man?
I just asked my mom if I could be the drunk realitive at the reunion. She said as long as I'm not obvious.
oh you can't commit, don't have any real ambitions, and love to drink PBR? well.... sign me up!
I had a good weekend too...although I cried about the dog in a drunken stupor last night...not one of my finest moments, but it's all water under the bridge.
I think it’s appropriate to celebrate the start of mother’s day at the bar with the men that almost made me a mother
Randomize
