Yeah, it was perfect until the end. Apparently women are super attracted to me until the sleeping with part.
I told the cop it was my birthday and he said "happy fuckin birthday", handcuffed me and threw me in the back of the cop car.
just saw a girl who had one of those monogrammed backpacks... her initials are VAG. is this a sign?
I almost masterbated to the avatar love scene ha it was so hot
I just want to do a slip-and-slide into a giant pool of jello shots right now.
Looking for things to spread butter on. Found men's briefs in garbage can. Lost insurance card. Summer has finally arrived
I don't want to have to force feed him my vagina!!
Dude you went around coming up behind people and whispering in their ears. I dont know what you said but they looked terrified when you left.
I want you to read this conversation tomorrow and be proud of the fact that you taught me how to decipher any drunk message. Good job.
Fuck man, my Dad's been single so long I get him a year's sub to a porn site every year for for Father's Day
I can control the tv with my phone while pooping on the second floor. I thought you should know for future reference
It's time to run my sex life like a basketball team. Got the lesson Clint!
I didn't know I was invited to an orgy.
bonging vodka is the same level of "good idea" as eating machetes
I shaved my asshole for this. That's real dedication.
Randomize
