I could have mohawked her pubes.
she is graduated, working for the school, and puking in the bathroom of a frat house. she wants brush her hair so she doesnt "look trashy". im in love.
He told me he wouldn't do any drunk sluts but me. I guess that's sort of a compliment...?
I came home to the cats covered in paint and he was asleep in the tub with a firefighters hat on.
It's sad the highlight of the night was you didn't electrocute yourself again.
Your mom just threw up on me. Please come home.
Sunday is a myth, I refuse to believe that I waste an entire day unable to function after a night of drinking.
Listen, you need to start thinking with your vagina and not with your heart... That emotional shit is for your 30s.
You fucked everything up-can't pass a cleared kitchen table without getting hard
I have chafed skin from the handy she gave me. I told her that and she said return the favor when it heals. I'm in love.
I'm at the point where I'm gonna write in my mothers bday card. Happy birthday. Please stop having sex with the door open.
He added his name to my To Do list. That's the way to my Type A heart.
On a scale from 1 to banned, how offensive do you think it would be to wish my vibrator happy Valentine's Day on various social media outlets?
I need a drink. No, several. I need several drinks. Drunk, I need to be drunk. Definitely need to be drunk
For future reference: bathtub full of cheeseburgers = win.
Randomize
