hey, here's something you don't have worry about since you're a girl: finding crusty cum in your bellybutton.
that coffee was exactly what I needed. Also whose awesome hat is on the couch with ear flaps? I wanna put my head in it
well seeing as i got a call at 5 am from the hotel manager telling me my cousin was passed out on the lobby floor...not good
He paid me to blow him while doing a handstand. Does that make me a whore or just a budding gymnast?
she brought my homemade cookies with condoms taped to the box... im in love
I feel bad for the cleaning lady. All you can smell is latex and Jaegermeister
You know those creepy dolls that look like they are watching you from anywhere in the room? It was like that, but with his penis...
woke up to see a man wearing a sailor hat and covered in vomit sneaking out the door. Epic night indeed.
Makers Mark. Chicken nuggets in a blender. Smart
All I've eaten today is cookie dough, pecan pie and three shots of jack. Finals week here I come.
The strip club incident sums up our friendship pretty well
Never let a one night stand shower at your place. My razor, lotion, and brush disappeared. #girlcode
Yes. I am out of condoms. I kept filling them with glow paint and playing with them when I was on mushrooms, which resulted in me having unprotected sex last weekend
Sexting and pancakes... It's going to be hard to top that
I need a sign that says “please don’t make plans with me if I’ve had two or more drinks. I will regret them. I will have bitter feelings towards you. Then I will cancel and feel guilty.”
Randomize
