Well, I guess that settles the question of how thick the walls are in my building.
Black Friday shoppers are ridiculous. I think I just watched a marriage end.
I wanna get FUCKED up and fail the piss test at my eval so they send me to detox and give me suboxone... Is that bad?
dude i woke up to her making a statue of my morning wood for her sculpture class. HOW THE FUCK do you think i feel about her?
she keeps a pillow, blanket, and a pack of saltines under the bathroom sink, for "rough nights".
I just spend twenty minutes scrubing the "Happy Birthday" off of my vagina. He's never gonna forget this.
Could someone please explain the rug burn on the right side of my face and do I need a shot of penicillin?
My bad man. I was at a strip club, and apparently it's like a big deal to take your phone out in one of those places.
Stoned stonnnnnnned on the raaaaange
Just watched a girl lose her dignity at the corner...it's not even midnight
We broke my graduation cords last night when we used them to tie each other up during sex last night
I made out with a 40 year old and told her we were dating then got kicked out of a gay bar. This is the day I stop drinking.
He shit in the fireplace
Fuck the walk of shame. I make this shit glorious.
The fact that you arent wearing shoes probably just adds to the classiness
Condom wrapper stuck to my shirt ups the anty
I'm really sorry I called you a "smug, arrogant, boyfriend-fucking piece of defecation". I was super drunk.
I was going to be mad, but then I remembered you don't use autocorrect and spelled everything correctly and I was kinda impressed.
Randomize
