No, I'm talking to this Chinese girl. Can't understand a word she's saying, but i think i caught the word vagina a few times.
you looked like a weeble wobble. everytime we thought you were going to fall you bounced back up...you're an amazing drunk
do you know how scary it is to wake up in a CATSCAN machine after a night of drinking?
I just saw a guy in front of the courthouse giving himself a sobriety test and fail it...this can't end well
when we asked you if you had had anything to drink tonight you looked up from the toilet while cupping the water into your hands and said "this.. just this"
I promise you I could read that dogs mind, he was arguing with the other dog saying he knows how fucked up I am
Im in the bathtub drunk. Less than an hour before the interview. This will be the best or worst career move ever., support?
I just sang country roads at the top of my lungs with my cab driver. Tonight was a success.
THERE IS AN ENORMOUS FAT WOMAN EYEING MY FLIGHT'S GATE LIKE IT WOULD BE DELICIOUS TO EAT.
I don't care how hungry or impatient you are. the highest setting on the microwave is 100% and you better not take it appart to add power. This is not the Enterprise.
Last night I dreamt that I sold my car and used the money to have wheels surgically implanted in my feet and legs so I became a human heely and I just rolled everywhere
I don't fucking know. I'm out stimulating the economy. Not locked in a room with a marker board.
Oh at the liquor store again?
My dad just said "fuck circus"
my extended weekend of being as irresponsible as possible started with blowing the bartender in the bar bathroom. off to a good start.
Somebody put William Shatner singing Bohemian Rhapsody on the jukebox, and the whole bar is about to riot.
Randomize
