Will you still be my friend if I read and enjoyed Twilight?
No
I can't believe you let me try to pierce your nipple with a dart last night
there is this woman at the counter who looks identical to linda ellerbee. and she's grinning. COME. INSIDE. NOW.
I am totally the chick from Intervention who barfs up wine and then re-eats it.
I just had to google "How do I get semen stains off of drywall." I'm relatively proud of this
Well, I just hope you know I had your best interests at heart when I put your sandwich down my pants.
He came inside me, looked me in the eye and said, "Happy Mother's Day"
I'd say I'd distract him, but I lose my psychic powers when guys get girlfriends. And by psychic powers I mean taking off my top.
Ehhh, contemplating pain killers and fruit snacks if that's any indication.
Yeah. I don't know. I'm just gonna show up at her place on valentines day with a jock strap, box of chocolates, and rose clenched between my ass cheeks with "be mine" written across my glorious man titties.
dave might be using McDoubles to pay for dances
he has gotten at least 7 lap dances out back
I'm sitting in Madison square park surrounded by children thanking god I took emergency contraception
Still, being medically ordered to stuff things in your vagina is amazing.
Last night I recall my hair going up in flames. This is evident by the burnt hair smell that is following me around this morning
Well the grass always *looks* greener on the other side but sometimes that’s bc there’s a sewage runoff...
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