Fuck, operation next sex victim is on as soon as i get back. Do not sleep with that red head, nobody likes accidental ginger babies.
You were right. It hurts to walk today.
Tell Heather sorry for burning her hair. Also for anything else that I may have done that warrants and apology. Anything after about 10pm is kind of hazy.
SOME GIRL GOT MAGGOTS IN HER COOCH FROM EXPERIMENTING WITH MAYO!
Dude. Muppets take manhattan on netflix instant. Pass my midterm or relive my childhood? Tough decision.
still doesn't change the fact you were dunking your sock in the toilet.
What? Cold floors are soothing when you have a hangover. How am I supposed to pass that up. Even if I'm at my parents house
I don't know how it happened, one minute we were talking about Huck Finn, the next minute I was blowing him behind the corner of his apartment building.
Opened my wallet to find a slice of ham with a phone number written on it in sharpie.
Just got a message from a guy on a dating site who says he helped me remove lime pulp from my eye in a club toilet 2 weeks ago.
at least the cop wrote "happy birthday" on the ticket.
do we own a ladder
We do not.
then how am i on the roof
Whatever. I just smoked another bowl so I don't care and wow I just noticed how fast my thumb moves when I text. I'm amazing.
by the way whatever wisdom you imparted upon me last night was lost to whatever i smoked out of a beer can.
I'm attracted to him because he looks like the kind of guy who would lick my asshole without me having to ask.
Randomize
