I just realized that i have never seen about 30 percent of my friends sober before
I have sucked so much dick this week I think I am going to start sweating semen
Packing for the trip... do they take Visa in South Dakota?
just gave a yankee's fan wrong directions to Fenway....welcome to boston asshole
you kept naming everything at the party...like "boy i'm going to make out with" and "table i'm going to dance on later"
She was so wet my fingers were literally pruney when I got done with her
I'm pregaming before our pregaming dinner...with peanut butter and beer. I think I need to re-evaluate my budget...
Just the budget?
Fact: Chilis at the airport in JAX will serve you shots of jack at 6:45 with breakfast. Ya I missed my flight.
So when does your new flight leave?
At my shot/hour ratio.... I leave in 16 shots. I love flying
chimney cleaner pole that expands when button is pushed then pull out. Remember that. We have to patent it.
Who are you high with right now?
Debating whether the Plan B I had this morning would go under breakfast or lunch in my food log.
Looked like a bag of smashed assholes and smelt like a brewery - still got morning sex. Marriage rules sometimes!
So I can officially say that someone has licked whipped cream off my nipples. Go senior year
I maxed out my credit card last night on powdered donuts and beef jerky
There's a set of buzz lightyear wings in lost and found at work. I just need access to your roof.
I was so drunk I got stuck in the middle of a revolving door
Randomize
