I'm trapped in whichever ring of hell is populated by inbred yokels and type 2 diabetes.
finally cleaned my dorm for the first time all year. bleach is awesome.
I just headbutted my cat because he was trying to eat my bacon.
Headed to the bar now. If I smell faintly of latex and tuna, it's just the new scent I'm trying.
Bering your kids um. Abiout tol. Throw up
Is it acceptable I'm laying in bed drinking airplane bottles?
In our world? Yes, but I'm disappointed yoiu are wasting airplane bottles. Save them for sneaky occasions
Just bought the plane tickets. Light headed. Blood rush to clit oh god blue clit. Mayday mayday vagina down!
This family outing has commenced with me throwing up in an apple orchard
Hey! Where are you? It's Irrisponsible Patio time and you're not here firing shots down summer student's throats
Just made a diving catch to save a handle of Fireball falling out of the car. ESPN worthy.
I broke her handcuffs. I feel like an animal.
You're like the fucking Mozart of sexting.
We're friends with benifits... The benifits being I'm fucking her boyfriend
My mom purposely got me drunk so I can stay at her house bc "we don't spend enough time together." I blacked out anyway, so we didn't spend time together regardless.
I don't know what that means but it's making me want to fuck you.
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