I cant wait to get the disapproving look from this elderly black lady...
He had a number 3 tattooed on his penis. And when I asked what it meant, he said " you know like dale earnhardt, the intimidator".
Bring mistletoe to the strip club, and they feel obligated. they dont even charge you
you do realize eating doritos and gatorade as a breakfast hangover cure is only acceptable for one more month - then we have to grow up
I knew he was a nice guy, because when we switched positions he flipped the mattress so I wouldn't have to lay in a pool of his sweat.
you spent the rest of the night making a recipe for mixed drink called "the new years bowel remover". it has 13 parts but judging from the bold all caps, the boiled avocado is the most important
She tried to escape and she fell and hit the door. She's gunna freak when she wakes up with only half a tooth.
I inspected his penis with a mini flashlight to check for visible stds...he was clean
She almost killed me. The shot she handed me had tacks in it. Wtf?!
Well it's a moot point because I did have a sink & I peed in it.
her mom went out of her way to book us a room with separate beds... her level of gay denial is in beast mode
I smell like icyhot and vodka... Heres to my pulled tendon.
Charles Manson is Getting Married and I stare down at my tits and wonder how I am possibly single.
I think I almost ran over some kid I went to high school with. Guilt factor: moderate to low.
just found a picture from last night.
the one of you riding a horse with nothing but a bulletproof vest on?
uhm.... no?...
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