The worst thing about having a parent with a prius is that they can walk in on you without any warning
the only reason I knew his name is because half way through I looked up and it was tatooed on his chest.
you know its a sad night when you can actually see and hear sitcoms on at the bar
I'll show rhose boucners: You don't let me in, I poop on your pool.
And then you gave the bride a high five and said "Go forth and Consummate."
Well we're gonna drink when we get home and I just invited the cab driver to play beer pong
Have you seen Dave? He's not on top of the bar anymore but I found his shirt.
You're not supposed to support this behaviour, btw the judge recognized me
I don't know, but I assume drunk me had her reasons. I trust her judgement.
Shroomed with my best friend'a dad at his wife's surprise birthday party so you can say I have experience in the field
I'm having a funeral for my vibrator. Please be there. I need your dick for support.
Why does everyone always assume I'm fucking their boyfriends?
You are fucking her boyfriend.
I just had a flashback to me puking and you telling me it was okay because my boobs still looked awesome.
You’re a genius! I just walked in, shut the door, blew him and left. He could barely move afterwards and was a hot mess at the presentation. He already sent me a calendar invite for another meeting
You know its awkward when your mom walks in on you and your boyfriend yelling surprise....I was scared into an orgasm
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