$35 all you can drink last night. Friend 1 woke up in a hotel lounge, friend 2 pissed himself and woke up wearing friend 1's spare pants, and my toilet indicates I threw up extensively.
I'm sending you this that that when you wake up and see the girl sleeping next to you, you know who to thank
I just recorded courtney puking and set it as my ringtone.
I just gave some chick my debit card to put in the jukebox. She better put out.
His car is carseat is compatible. I checked while we were banging in the back seat...
You were screaming across the bar "BUYING US SHOTS ISN'T GOING TO MAKE US STRAIGHT, YA KNOW!!!!!!!!"
Dude just pulled his dick out and started stroking it and making s sound like cocking a shotgun....wtf was in those e pills
Phone sex soon? I mean date. Sex date. Date phone.
all 3? possibly?
I think I'm up to the challenge.
It might have taken me 30 minutes but I finally finished the toast I made. That hungover.
Shirtless guy staggering down the sidewalk, puking into a Prada shopping bag. Ahhh, the walk of shame in Boystown.
I can't name a single part of my body that isn't sore. Who says break up sex is bad sex?
I knew it was on when all she had to say about the handcuffs was 'I really hope these adjust tighter!'
i just love the holidays, i hotboxed a gingerbread house last night
Like people our age are getting engaged, and I’m out here spooning with a giant unicorn I bought at Walmart on Black Friday.
I found my parents stash of sex toys. You know my green one? My mom has it...in purple. I HAVE THE SAME VIBRATOR AS MY MOTHER
Randomize
