we fucked to don't stop believing. most epic sex EVER.
my affection for youporn is starting to get disturbing... i just thought about sending them a christmas card
getting your period on valentines day is like an extra little fuck you, now you REALLY have no chance of sex tonight.
Bank of America texted me 7 times in 12 hours to say my balance was below $50. I kept transfering money back in. Then I texted my bank saying that it was okay, i knew what I was doing.
until you tell me otherwise ill assume we're playing "cavity search" the homeland security game to spice up our sex life
But on the up side she uprooted a whole peony plant from the hotel downtown and said, "I brought you flowers"
Had no idea what his name was when I woke up. Went through his desk, found his tax records. Ben. And loaded.
of course not. I do my best teaching on a hungover monday. I did the research. im still okay with the direction in which my life is headed.
I just came so hard there were tears. Actual tears.
So our 'date' consisted of getting drunk off champagne at four and photo-bombing the shit out of tourist's pictures all over the city. Thoughts?
i would really love it if at least once per weekend i did not wake up to you half naked passed out on the floor
I got laid while wearing a shirt with a picture with my little brother deep throating a banana on it.
The only downside to doctor sex is that getting choked with a stethoscope leaves marks.
Every time I try to do something productive I end up searching ghost porn.
I already plan to donate my brain to science so they can attempt to fully understand the complexities of my existence
Randomize