Why do I fail so hard at ironing, when I'm a woman and i should be amazing at it?
because god found you far too good at oral sex and had to make all things even?
I made out with a deaf person. Also I've been drunk 11 days in a row now.
I'm going to take the bottles back.. And maybe get an x-ray
we've started having sober sex
you really do like him
Well we're gonna drink when we get home and I just invited the cab driver to play beer pong
He is the one I "technically" lost my virginity to.
I feel like you never had a virginity..
Not much, really baked..... beethoven is AMAZING it's like i'm flying in space with baby jesus
Full contact beer pong was definitely not my best idea.
He bought segways. We ride them when we get drunk. Last night he ran through the sliding glass door.
You pretended to pelvic thrust my mother on the boat while my 92 year old grandmother looked on. Thanks.
i'm going as a slutty football player, and all night i'll drunkily whisper "id love to catch your balls." into random strangers ears.
Just made a beer run. At 9am. In my pjs. I should not be graduating today
No like you've drunkenly persistently tried to take your shirt off in the middle of a park filled with children. You had already thrown your bra at my crotch.
When the bouncer wouldn't let you back in you screamed "Authority is not given you to deny the return of the king!" and ran past him.
you are the only girl i know that would bring a plate of cookies to a hook up. but they were awesome. thanks. next time cupcakes?
Randomize
