It was like if Side-show Bob had a vagina for a mouth
great, thanks for announcing that I gave you head over twitter
at least I said it was good
Just saw a drunk guy marching down the strip with a garden rake. I feel compelled to follw him
dude, i think we just came across a situation where tits weren't worth it.
You know who really doesn't like surpise in-your-face air guitar solos? Strangers.
The druken crowd just broke into singing "God Bless America" while waiting the newlyweds to get in the limo. My friend is eating rose petals.
In 30 minutes I will have been sober for an entire month. Time for a celebratory lap of cheap alcohol that leads to early liver failure.
But happy liver failure. That's what counts.
My ultimate goal is to get laid wearing a horse mask... That would be awesome on all possible levels
Bianca brought a stripper home he's making me breakfast
This is the third time my roommate and I have drunkenly hooked up. I'm starting to think she's not as straight as she says she is.
I'm right down the road from AJ's old house and I'm getting mixed feelings. My vagina is remembering good dick. But the rest of me is remembering horrible times.
There's just no proper way to thank a man for that many consecutive orgasims.
He corrected my spelling during sexting.
I'm on someone's yacht. I don't know who. But I'm on it. There's a guy passed out in a kilt holding bagpipes. Help.
I may just have to resign myself to life in flats. He's a sexy little chipmunk that worships me.
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