they thought it would be fun to get out their yearbook and see who hooked up with the most guys..I won...I don't even go to the same school
Either your mom needs to stop making spagetti or we need to lay off the anal. I cant tell you how much im in pain.
Spagetti cuz im not giving up the other one.
There are some college kids out at 4 in the morning dragging each other on a sled behind a bike. its too entertaining to call the cops
The only thing worse than listening to you two fuck all night was waking up and smelling bacon and there not being any left.
I swear a good massage is the easiest way in my pants.
Not that there's a hard way... but you know what I mean.
Just stop talking to douche bags. How do you manage to attract every asshole within a 100 mile radius?
If i could answer that i wouldn't be so afraid to move to a more populated area
So I went to daintily fall onto my bed like I was in a hotel commercial and I completely missed my matress and landed on my floor. Just thought u should know.
I just had to kick out lesbian wedding crashers. They literally wanted to punch me. I threatened to call the cops so they went outside and smoked a joint.
Eye drops are like seatbelts of being high. Think about it
My brother walked up to us as we were making out and was like "hey man, go to town!" and winked
I want Walter White to make me a bologna sandwich while I'm chained to a support
He fell asleep cradling my ass and every time I moved he adjusted his hand accordingly. I've found the one.
Dead. I am actually dead. Also, worst nightmare confirmed: throwing up in a four hundred person lecture.
My neck feel like I've been sucking Goliath's dick.
I told you that we shouldn't have sex. You said "its okay I already saw you pee" apparently that was convincing
Randomize
