well that was a long night...
dude, you were pretty messed up... what happened?
no idea... but i still woke up with my pirate hat on
This is why I shouldn't be left alone with liquor and anticipation.
Can someone please explain to me why I woke up looking like Ziggy Stardust
Hey baby girl when you gonna let my tongue get up in that ass like i'm an explorer trying to go deep under on a quest for the lost city of atlantis
your text was fucking rediculious. Will let you eat my asshole though.
Its piss that you smell... I borrowed that shirt last week. Sooo, wanna grab some laundry soap on your way home? And good luck on your date.
Some guy seriously just got Jimmy Johns delivered to him at the graduation ceremony. This cannot be real life.
I called for backup and had two guys carry him to the shower. The bigger guy offered to wash his hair.
He got violent drunk so we have to untie him in the morning. He's in your basement and you're out of electrical tape. Don't forget because I will.
Within the span of 10 minutes, I managed to make a slip 'n slide on his stomach, threatened to pee on him, kneed myself in the eye, and almost fell asleep on the toilet....in that order.
Showing up to Easter hungover, late, and covered in black an blues from pole dancing. Daughter of the year.
How have I seen you throw up on yourself 3 different times, yet we weren't Facebook friends until I accidentally hooked up with your ex?
He asked if I was going to squirt out my bday candles. I'm glad the perversion doesn't stop for special occasions.
They gave me 4 meds at the health center and said not to take alcohol with any of them. Guess ill wait until tomorrow to feel better.
"Why is there a bottle of Tequila taped to the fan?"
First she snuck beer into the movies and then proceded to give me a handjob in the dark theatre. I think I'm in love
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