The ticket read "Found nude in a tree"
The last two calls in my phone are dominos and 911. I'm not sure how my night went.
And why did 3 people fail to stop me from literally getting a piggy back ride from the bar to his apartment?!
I'm way to drunk for this play. I'm about to run up on stage and drop the main character
Mass texted booty calls to all the guys I've hooked up with this year to commemorate the end of the semester.
I wanna get shitfaced and yell about Tim tebow
Wanna skype?
Can your lips gently and pleasantly suck on my balls via skype? If not, then no.
Taking shots of gin by myself out of TMNT glasses and chasing with bites of chocolate cake. AMERICA.
Attempting to sleep without a bra since i got my nips pierced wish me luck. Also almost sent that to my coworker.
Trying to decide who to DD on the fourth and I came up with a Who's who of guys I've hooked up with in the last month. Not an ideal situation, but I have a feeling it's gonna happen anyway.
It's not even 8:30a, wine glass is broken, there's sugar everywhere, and your mom just asked me what MILF means.
ya I went to the grocery store literally just for cheese and condoms
Thank god for Taco Bell keeping you out of jail
she threw up on her exam, awkwardly wiped it off with her sleeve and continued writing.
I just saw a guy walking down the street without a shirt on and holding a samari sword....
Randomize
