Did we have sex last night?
I think that was the general idea until I got you undressed and you puked on me.
It's a line of coke at 10 a.m. kind of Saturday. Don't be a pussy about life.
I don't know what the fuck is in the water in New Hampshire, but these dicks are HUGE.
Just bought all my wine for the weekend with a check at 11am. I'm almost judging myself.
i feel like this needs to be a 'lose some teeth' kind of weekend.
So. Much. Sex. I feel like i ran a marathon then someone kicked me in the vagina. Soo worth it
Yeah...I know. It's cute I think...I mean cute in a weird like hey I kinda took you home from the bar one night, maybe criticized your penis, and fucked your brains out...kinda sorta way
Champagne pong turned into an expensive and painful experience.
OK BUT WHO THE FUCK FORGTS A LIVE CHICKEN IN MY HOUSE
Woke up and took my pants off only to realize that I was wearing my shirt from last night as my underwear
all of these bad things happened because I didn't bring a shower beer.
I think putting on real pants was half my issue with today
How you doing tonight? I got my butthole licked so i cant complain.
A condom just fell out of me. Happy Tuesday.
look, bitch. one day when everyone i care about deserts me for my severe moral depravity, you're going to be the only one i have.
i can't wait.
Randomize
