Remind me that when I'm pregnant, I should NOT post vaginal dilation updates on my facebook. Ever.
Just barfed in my hand. Needless to say, this day is off to a great start
Just heard the new 'We are the world' ... Can I get my 10 bucks for Haiti back?
He spent the whole night convincing me I wasn't fat, but after we had sex he said "Oh, I see what you mean"
she gave me a handjob in the middle of the night and my stomach growled so she walked out totally naked and came back 5 minutes later with two sandwiches. who the fuck says getting married is awful?
She's thinkin about havin beer pong at her reception... She's walkin a fine line between trashy and the best idea ever
I went out in the middle of the night to smoke my weed.. Didn't realize my dad was sitting on the patio doing the exact same thing..
Let's make a pact to never get in a cab at 3am together unless it's to go home or for pizza.
We literaly had to peel your fingers off the jose cuervo bottle and lock it in someones room
Apparently I got mad at you for "Not drinking with me till we thought we were seahorses" and smashed my face on your door. Then I put my feet in the oven and started crying because I was drinking alcohol from a pot. My life is spinning out of control.
If he's the sort of guy that will fuck in a public restroom, he's the sort of guy that will cheat on his gf. I'm goin for it.
Also- should we send out holiday cards? That say, "Eat a dick, 2014"?
Good!!! I'm so proud of you for not snorting alcohol. Big girl steps.
Ehh, the third backed out. Two still isn't bad. Who gets a bootycall to pick them up from a bootycall's house anyways? Only me.
I promise your sink was clogged before I threw up in it.
Randomize
