my love horoscope just told me to "say it in frosting" should i take this literally?? i think yes.
He snuck into some random hotel's continental breakfast at 3 AM and then passed out on a bench in the lobby. When the cops found him they made him empty out his pockets. No phone, no ID just muffins.
the tow truck driver and i bonded while discussing our experiences with four lokos
I don't even know where to begin....there's queso sauce and public hair stuck to everything
She was giving me that "well this is awkward since you drunkedly tried to hook up with me" look.
Why would you fall asleep? This is why i cant drink with my lesbian friends anymore. They take my clothes off and get vodka in my top ramen. Only yoouuu can prevent forest fires.
No we just stood in the kitchen and laughed for 2 hours about how funny the popcorn noise was.
I am literally sitting here with a jar of Nutella and a spoon, reading an article called "never drink alone again because now there's wine for cats." How single am I?
My ex-fiancee UPS-ed me a sixer of tall boys, and a fifth of bourbon for christmas, from halfway across the country. What does this mean?
I just drank beer out of an old Vicodin bottle hoping to catch some residue. That's how finals week is going
Chipotle farts are not good for seducing boys.
She puked in the bed, peed in the closet, and woke up on a Rubbermaid in the closet under the stair case
I kept screaming at his rabbit: "IT'S OKAY, YOU CAN HAVE SOME TRIX. FUCK THOSE SELFISH BITCHES."
do you think that identical twins have the same size junk? i just want to know your opinion before i find out.
I'm pretty sure I smell like alcoholism and shame. And it's not a pretty scent.
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