then the nurse gave me a bag with my personal belongings: phone, wallet. jacket, keys and a BTB burrito
Just picture a dyson vacuum with razor blades. That's how it felt.
Using that mug my little cousin painted for me as an ashtray for my weed...at least next time he asks me if I'm using it I can say yes
Found myself carrying 2 bottles of .89 euro wine about half a mile to where im staying. and someone stopped me and spoke to english. apparently, i reek of drunk american.
he got kicked out of the bar for falling asleep on the mechanical bull.. then freaked on us cause we wouldnt go to the strip club with him
Dont worry about getting me anything... Just put a bow on your ass.
Deal.
He either works for the Irish Mob or I'm being Catfished
I was wondering why he was in my phone as "Cat Guy", he seemed pretty normal. Then when we woke up he was wearing a shirt with a picture of his cat on it. The name stays.
Like an undercooked grilled cheese that got cold again. But hairy.
And there goes my desire for sandwiches. Forever.
No I don't want to see you. You're the reason that I'm going to need a new liver by the time I'm 30.
How high were you when you left that message, cause you made honest-to-God, credible seal noises.
Taking body shots off hot Camren. Get here now.
They think I fractured my spine while doing your cousin on concrete.
woke up this morning to a baggy full of adderall and two redbulls..i'm gonna marry this guy one day
The thought of you trying to procreat frightenes and disgusts me!
Randomize
