i bet jesus would rush if he went to usc
Is it awkward that I've slept with every guy in this room?
Only if they know about it too.
Well technically because of daylight savings, I only lasted 15 mintues.
Im pretty sure he just said he wants to make a baby with me, but he's pretty shitfaced, so I'm not sure if he knows who I am.
There's cake. And donuts. And strippers. It's like 5 year old me and 20 year old me are throwing a party together...
Now I can't unsee my hot boss's under-boobs. Monday will be awkward.
Pics or STFU
He stopped in the middle of us banging in order to check in for his Southwest flight.
So you're mad that I let you go home with the guy with soft hands but yet you can't understand that I was just trying to help you
Do you remember when you first moved into my parents house with me and we came home to find that my dad bolted the headboard to the wall
You left your hot dogs in my dresser again
Ugh. My life is a never ending cycle of bad decisions and taquitos.
Should I be worried if two ants just crawled out of my purse?
Yes!
I am convinced you could sleep through the apocalypse and only wake up because youre hungry & want Dominoes
you were on all fours in the front yard puking, but managed to hand the pizza delivery guy a beer and to have a nice day.
You know your late night booty call was a huge fail when you go back to your car after it's over, and it's still warm.
Randomize
