He called me "the Joe Montana of blowies." Not sure if that is an accomplishment or an insult, but going off of the amount of condensation on the windows of my car, I'm gonna just do a little touchdown dance and pass out.
The walk of shame is far, far worse on crutches.
idk whats worse playing power hour to yourself, or the fact that you were having fun while doing it
mary just dropped the yahtzee dice in her wine. and shes throwin em like shes on a craps table.
hahahaha slap the bag.
Apple should advertise that their phones are puke-proof. They would appeal to a whole new audience.
I was going to make out with him...then he licked syrup off the kitchen floor.
I may hire someone just to sell my family the drugs they keep asking me for. It's cutting into my doing drugs time.
But he's not just anonymous male genitalia anymore. I've met him, I've seen his face.
It sounds like drunken magic sprinkled w narcotics
Just figured out my hair is long enough to tie my wrists together. . .get over here NOW!
Woke up in the ER with a nurse holding my tongue together inside of my mouth and a shattered jaw, the last thing I remember is opening the 151, care to fill me in?
The housekeeper found my huge dildo under the bathroom sink, and another in the living room. I can't get much more single than this.
I can't believe I'm going to buy bitcoin to pay for erection pills
No way man ... This is real life. Complete sentences and everything.
I would really like it if you guys got out of my bush
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