in pain and im wearing pink underwear
so?
i dont own pink underwear
The cop didn't care that I was peeing on the wall of my dorm building... All he said was, "come on, it's 9am."
There needs to be a term for a female version of a rusty trombone
So you really shouldn't go around telling people you're fireproof
screw that ipod for my birthday.. i just want a weed brownie the size of my face. that's all.
My hand is eating my burrito and not saving any for my mouth. TRIPPPPPPPPPPPPPPINN!
no sex. but he left me weed, so almost as good.
I have bruises covered in glitter and someone just asked me if I realized I'm bleeding from both ears. This is awkward.
i looked up and she was looking over the stall watching me pee and told me to unlock the door. that dedicated to sucking my dick.
Every time I try to stand up the back of my head feels like a bunch of little elves are beating the inside of my scalp with their toy making tools. What disease could this be?
I'm so lazy and tired i just want to cry and fall asleep in a bed of egg mcmuffins.
I need to be more functional. That doesn't mean I'm going to drink less, I just need to wake up and shit
Well while you were being a dick I was taping back together a cougars broken heart
how does someone with a Masters Degree leave poop in an ashtray in the sink? It just blows my mind
He asked me for a pic so I sent him a pic of my boyfriends dick.
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