Getting fucked up met up rando with a girl I confesswed my love for last night. weird, going with it
party is dying down. we just wrote whore in the yard with gas. Photos to come.
Psycho is an understatement. U were running around the house screaming IM UNDER THE IMPERIOUS CURSE
She was singing my heart will go on into her barf bag. celine aint got shit on her.
I'm gonna need you to NOT let me play duck duck goose with three racoons in the middle of the street next time.
Come down here. We are watching people walk through the paper we taped in front of the elevator.
You can't start the super bowl without starting a kitchen fire making cole slaw. Its unamerican.
I don't even want to know
It all went downhill when I figured out I could launch myself into people with my crutches
At the ER. John needs stiches. Fuck pub trivia nights.
Damn you. I'm in a bar with Southern Jesus Fearing Blah Blah Rednecks WHO ARE PROBABLY VOTING FOR TRUMP and you go radio silent.
My husband gave me a key to his house. I thinks this means we're getting kinda serious.
OF COURSE I NEED TO KNOW I MUST KNOW EVERYTHING
YOU ARE NOT OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
I AM OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
When we got into his bed, his damn parrot started making sex noises in the other room
Steven and I talked about running for office again today. It's fucked that my 3 dream jobs are marijuana bakery owner, bar owner, and president.
Jack and I got in a huge fight at 6am. He fell asleep when I was giving him head so I freaked. We were both black out so I made a memo in my phone reminding me
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