sooooo how many boyfriends is too many?
i just woke up in the woods behind my house in handcuffs and a dan marino jersey ive never seen before
I thought Christmas was going to come before I did
Okay you totally passed out. Ask me about the bike parking garage and the expired baby formula in the morning.
In hindsight, buying 4 different kinds of vibrators at once may have been a little overenthusiastic of me.
she gave me a blowjob during our lunchbreak and expected me not to tell people
Ummm I just broke my no puke streak at church
Well, practice makes perfect. Let's start playing Eye of the Tiger and do a blowjob training montage.
I just did something so unspeakable in the panera bathroom that their health score dropped 10 points.
I did not get laid last night bc my condoms were too small. I'm allowed to be dreary
Just to be a PITA after I die, my will leaves 1 cent to each of my FB friends. I hate my lawyer.
I'm going to pretend you don't watch My Little Pony and focus on your large cock. Kay? Don't bring it up again.
A guy I hooked up with YEARS ago just endorsed me on LinkedIn for "customer service".
u woke up and asked who took ur pants off then realized u did n almost cried over not gettin layed
honestly if there were pictures of last night i would be embarrassed.... im embarrassed without pictures
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