I woke up this morning to the buzzer on my oven going off... I cooked fish sticks at 425 degrees for 5 hours last night. my house smells awesome
Now I'll never know if Megan finds a millionaire.
That weatherman I hooked up with is on TV again
My bra broke.... so I Macguyvered that shit together with floss
She just told me she blew the waiter in the bathroom. Should I still leave a tip?
I cant help but love a girl who informs me of the pregnancy test results by emailing me a YouTube clip of Barney Stinsons not a fathers day speech.
dude chill. we stole 18 hamburgers from her house
no. you cant fuck a burger.
I scrubbed the bathroom, smoked a bowl, and gave myself 3 orgasms. If the world ends today, I feel accomplished.
She is larger then a hippo. You could cut her open in the middle of a blizzard and crawl in like Luke skywalker. Throw a couch and a tv in there and you're set
I'd recommend you leave that level of crazy to the experts. I'd start with an under appreciated soccer mom if I were you.
I say this as a friend, you would make a SPECTACULAR crossdresser
I'd just like to inform you. That when I was at bvj the first day I was blackout drunk by noon. Get on past Chelsea's level like now. Do it for present Chelsea
I can't believe I'm coordinating a threesome at work. My productivity is at an all time low.
You know how last week before we left I was drinking outta that blue cup and I left it sitting across the road. Well, it hadn't moved and my family just found it, brought it inside and cleaned it. I think this cup is my soulmate.
I gave Sophia a glitter bomb for Christmas. And before you ask is because she pooped in my cat litter box and then drank all my liquor and didn't pay me back and refuses to acknowledge that she had any wrongdoing. So she gets to clean up glitter for the next 10 years.
Randomize
