you opened the fridge, pissed on the food, fell over, then threw up on yourself. thats whats all over the kitchen.
My boogers are black from last night. So that's either from all the colored hairspray or inhaling all of the tragedy from the party...
It's not my fault. Someone keeps buying me tequila shots. Idk who. But every time I look down there's another. I think there's a conspiracy.
Of course he wants me there for his birthday. If a girl offers you a blowjob for every year of your life, you're gonna want her to be there.
soo how bad was i last night?
licking sour cream off of the table at pancheros bad.
You found me in the back room alone eating someone else's whole birthday cake with my hands then asked me if you could join.
Drinks appeared in front of me. Who am I to deny destiny? And by destiny, I mean free drinks, which appear by magic.
Fuck going to see The Hunger Games tonight. The only thing I'm hungry for is some dick. Let's go to the bar.
What people don't tell you about near death experiences is they give you a full on chub
Holy. Crap. I just found a hickey on my bikini line. He never got my pants off. WHO IS THIS MYSTICAL HOOKUP WIZARD?
im just going to make a prayer circle of top ramen packets and cheap beer
I just got a lecture from your coked out sister about the monetary value of Dothraki hair braids. Take her home.
Heat not working dressed like an eskimo. A real one with a ski sock on my junk
he played intl players anthem 4me and ate a strawberry out of my pussy
He's a waste of a perfectly good penis.
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