I was born with a shot glass in my hand
We walked in and they were fucking to Somewhere Over the Rainbow... I need a new roommate.
We've had the 'life would be so much better if we were both lesbians' conversation too much for that to be okay.
seriously though jaeger and i are fucking done professionally
I may have just serenaded the sadface couple sitting on a bench outside the dorm by singing Bye Bye Bye.
Some drunk guy thought my knee scooter was the sexiest thing he's ever seen. He then proceeded to ask me about duck hunting and decoys...
Hold on... Are we having an intellectual conversation about porn?
Yup
I love us.
If someone made a breakfast cereal that was a cross between lucky charms and fruity pebbles and called it unicorn power with a huge fucking rainbow and a unicorn standing in a pot of gold on the box, they would be rich. Not only monetarily but spiritually as well...
I'd say it's his fault for never running us through proper protocol for "catching your RA in the middle of him banging some girl"
good news: i got laid. bad news: by your boyfriend
It was a tough decision either lay in bed or go to work and lay in the stockroom
I just saw an ad for "fair trade quinoa vodka". Fuck this world and everyone in it.
I'm still not sure how to feel about the fact that we had a threesome with a guy the same age as my dad
DUDE!!!!! THERE IS A MIDGET HANDING OUT RICE KRISPIE TREATS!!!!!! WHERE ARE YOU WHEN THE COOL SHIT GOES DOWN???????
I’m vetoing meatball margaritas right out the gate. We can’t have people throwing up again!
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