Just bored and untired. I want to be in Austin. At college. Drinking someone elses alcohol. Am I asking too much of life?
imagine if we didn have a dick. we would be so much more productive
i'm half naked talking to a cat. you don't have to justify your life to me.
Hey, it was your idea to keep her occupied with the barscanner on your phone.
you didnt need to give her a fucking sharpie. there are handmade barcodes everywhere. including my cock. fucker.
By "met a doctor" I really mean "fucked a pre med student"
dude to be honest with you there is a used condom that ive just left on my floor for three days
you have got to get your shit together
You need to come back and help me drink our beer so the fridge has room for the other beers
Apparently I pulled that girl's number while I was trying to insist my drivers license had enough money on it to cover the tab.
Didn't pick classes because we were out all weekend...only open course is "alcohol and drug problems". Fucking ironic.
I haven't seen her in probably 3 months and when she showed up wasted to my house she promptly pulled out her tit
my sex drive just dried up, fell out, and is rolling on the floor somewhere.
His front door was open but I INSISTED on army crawling FOOT FIRST under the garage door. Then I peed the bed.
The cop asked me why my pants were around my knees when he woke me from the sink, i replied "Officer, my underwear is still on, nothing bad happened" then he nodded in acknowledgement and we carried on with the paper work.
I have serious attachment issues. I just realized how long its been since ive smoked out of my bong and I feel guilty for dis owning it this week
Apparent my drunk ass was so dedicated to taking a piss, when I walked across the dance floor to get to the bathroom a 9/10 broad tried to dance with me and I just pushed her aside, like hard enough to send her a few feet from where she was standing, pointed at her and said "Not now chief, gotta rock a mean one."
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