Well I'm going to a gay club in my banana suit. You should come. My bro is going as a pirate. I don't know if there's a theme.
FUCK TREES I CLIMB BUOYS MOTHERFUCKER
STOP listening to that song
So this snow storm is NOT helpin my masturbation problem
Tortellini makes me feel like I'm eating hundreds of little vaginas
But why is there no point in liking him? Does he have herpes? Is he married? Is he gay? Did he get his penis chopped off in a freak accident? If the answer is no to all of the above, then he is fair game
#1 lesson to be learned from mardi gras this year: lock your car doors or some grimy dude like me might just bang in it and use your backseat as a kleenex
not to be a dick but do you remember the names of all your friends i made out with after we broke up?
I'm making myself a nametag with my contact info and pinning it to myself like a kindergardenter in case I get lost when I black out on Sat.
Can we laminate it? Just to be safe.
I am incapable of maintaining a guy's interest in me. It's like erectile dysfunction but with feelings
He threw a twenty at the stripper and asked for change
well did he get it
....yes
It was inevitable. It was like I was a caterpillar and now I'm a drunk and high butterfly
He said that he made a girl squirt to the ceiling and I got curious
Started out playing table tennis then ended up fucking him on the table. Happy cinco de mayo
I threw your vagina at him like a grenade. And sweet Jesus he caught it like a champ
I'll bring spiced rum
I am not drinking that devil juice
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