hey this is lauren, i have to type for jon because he's convinced the tongs he's holding are his real hands
First night home from college and I already forgot that walking around nearly naked with my laptop open to smut porn isn't acceptable. Sorry, mom.
Please, do not let 'babydaddy' catch on as your petname for me.
Street performer on bourbon st just lifted a sewer top so I could puke down it. I love New Orleans.
In the middle of getting a blow job, she looked up at me and said "this isn't the first time I've done this today"
I'll be honest. I knew what I was getting into. I'm not proud, but I'll be damned if I'm ashamed. 6 month draught is over. That's justice.
If you are wondering why there is half eaten pizza in your pocket it's because you were passed out with it in your hand in my bathtub. Today's your b-day and thought I'd give you a good idea about what happened last night as a present
Find me a date. With a beard. I want him to rub his beard on my tits. I'm not even into that stuff but I think it'd be so warm.
I'm going to go out on a limb and say last night was a success, also the neighbors are counting down the days until we move out.
Cops on bikes. I think I can outrun them.
I saw the attitude and didn't even try. Line of the night from one guy who talked with them for a while said, "I don't meet you standards. I have a job and would treat you well." She was blank faced.
We took your mom out drinking and we wound up winning 18 games of Flip Cup. You have amazing genetics.
I have a cat for love and a booty call for sex. What else could I need?
Just saw the pics from the bachelor party. When the hell did we go to southie. And why was there a chicken in the limo..? You guys really are my best friends.
Psssh like you wouldn't lick BBQ sauce off my nipples.
Randomize