I called her the wrong name twice and she still called me back this morning. DO I still wait two days to call her back?
dude i woke up in a pile of chocolate chips. this has to stop happening
Dude, this chick, who is smokin by the way, has 4 false teeth on top from a softball accident that she can take out if she wants... Who's getting amazing head tonight? This guy!
I don't know whether to be creeped out by the fact this chick can do that, or jealous because you're getting toothless head.
How sober do you have to be to donate blood?
You stumbled in at 10am, half-clothed and still drunk from last night and yelled "well, its not called a walk of pride!", then passed out on the couch.
Our penis' have led to more networking than mark zuckerberg.
I just did the walk of shame..with a blanket and a cup that says i will out drink all you bitches. This was not how i pictured 25.
...You tried to use your wallet to call her after you gave your cell phone to the cab driver as a "peace offering"
After owing so much in back child support they should make vasectomy a mandatory
And now whenever I see a documentary about dolphins, I think about sex, which is super weird
I work 80 hours a week to prevent myself from just laying in bed and masturbating all day. It's a hands off strategy.
You wanna explain to me why there is a banana shoved down my pants?
Promise me if ever I think I can't do anything, remind me that I waxed my own butthole
You aaa... you ever forget to wipe your ass?
BRB. These cougars are squabbling over my junk and one of them is offering to pay my tuition
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