Dude. I tried to convince her to eat poprocks and give me a blowjob. It did not work out well.
guess who has a date tonight
look at you growing up, going on dates before she hops into bed
These margaritas aren't just going to regret themselves.
Seriously, I'm ready to settle for ugly and unemployed as long as he has decent hygene and likes to go down.
i think he was starting go for a boob grab when we both realized the middle of a public tennis court wasn't the place
I just debated creating a mirror system so I could play Batman while in the bathroom. I think I need help.
I already knew that. But I also don't agree with stifling creativity.
the gays at disneyland are vicious
So now I'm lying here in bed taking notes from Teen Mom... I fucked up
Halloween is the end of the singles holidays they don't start again until st. Patrick's day we better get wifed up or it's going to be a long winter lol
His constant posting of "inspirational" Taylor Swift quotes over the past 3 days has me a little worried. It's like, holy shit dude, you're almost 30.
Forced to cancel my booty call due to the snowpocalypse. This crosses the line.
That amount of times your family has seen my boobs is getting ridiculous.
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
Can't be considered a walk of shame if you pick up donuts on the way home
He waved at a guy who drove by while we were having sex in the back of a rental car in a hospital parking garage prior to visiting family. Almost made me feel guilty but I liked it too much.
Randomize
