She said her name was "party"
So I thought I was slick leaving his room this morning all incognito. Little did I know I was wearing his football jersey with his name across the back... stilettos & my bra was left behind. never seeing that again
Fair warning.. porn on your laptop when you turn it on.. seemed like a wonderful idea last night.. until it died
Bad news is he broke up with me via text message
But the good news is I've returned as mayor of whoreville
He threw up. He never throws up. It was like finding out superman cant fly anymore. I was so sad for him.
sooo... you have no idea who nailed their tubesocks to my wall?
Made fish tank punch. It's like trash can punch but in a fish tank. Also, my dad saw a picture I uploaded on Facebook and called me a pussy for only making 10 gallons.
I call it a party but only because that sounds better than 8 people getting drunk around a pool.
I think I'm crying more because after all these years he never learned to spell you or use a comma properly from me
Nothing says happy valentines day like waking up to a naked man you hooked up with taking a walk of shame
Just introduced myself to a group of people and one dude said "You're Marc!? I've heard many a legend of you." I raised bottle of champagne, said cheers, and drank with them.
I'm so horny right now but I JUST put my fuckin lasagna in the oven
He put his SoundCloud on his Tinder bio. I felt personally attacked.
Party bus got out of hand. Some guy pissed himself. Later, he couldn't find his house keys, so he kicked the back door in.
Yeah totally passed out in their trash can last night.
Randomize
