I pooped in a mop bucket.
WTF???
Their employee restroom was locked what kind of customer service is that
like i told you yesterday: virgins, blood, my name. do it.
They left shortly after you claimed the dirty rug as your mattress and began alternating between singing "Dayman" and "Nightman"
Just got kicked in the balls by a girl in tap shoes. Fuck EVERYTHING
remember last year when i left for the bar in flip flops and came back in heels?
it happened again.
He had the smallest penis i'd ever seen. I can see why he drinks his life away.
Just mixed vicodin and mucinex. This cold just got fun.
I wonder what my nutrition professor is going to think when I have to put 21 keystone lights, a bottle of merlot wine, and 5 rum and cokes and 4 shots of tequila on my dietary analysis
Apparently suggesting that she was the kind of girl who might be expected to kill someone's pets hurt her feelings...
I don't like him near enough to give up day drinking AND my prostitute costume
My liver was like a college freshman on spring break. It would've danced topless on tables if it could have.
What do you mean you don't want me to steal the manikin do you have any idea how expensive inflatable dolls are I can't get that for your birthday
If you need to be the damsel in drunken distress make sure it's before 3.
He stopped in the middle of us fucking so he could turn on lithuanian techno music. And the sad thing is that it was the best sex of my life.
Accidentally mixed my gin with cold brew coffee instead of cranberry juice. It’s bad. But I’ll finish it. Never leave a fallen soldier.
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