ignore voicemail. the cock hath been unblocked.
home. puking in laundry basket.
does drinking everclear count as brushing your teeth? because i think they are sterilized
My penis hasn't been this frustrated since I was like 13 and I awkwardly got boners at school dances
He got me an interview at his law firm and his boss asked him what he had to say about me. His response "He dates CRAZY bitches."
The cab driver doesn't know where we can find an empire state building shaped dildo either!? What is wrong with NYC!?
Dude so coolest charity idea ever, think aids walk but instead of miles you drink beers oh the possibilities
I went to a community college and majored in Bad Decisions. I'm not exactly a chick magnet.
I can not believe he edited a picture of our three way and made it his profile picture
He made me cum via FaceTime, then he made me look at his stock investment charts..
I swear to god if you keep eating my cats food drunk I am going to kick you out of our apartment.
I just broke a sweat masturbating on a Friday night. I may need a boyfriend.
This guy wants me to put ice under his foreskin. What!?
That song just makes me wanna take off my top and shake my titties all around the club.
I asked him if we were exclusive and he followed up with, "If a tree falls in the woods and no ones around, does it still make a sound?" Wtf am I supposed to do with that?!
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