OMG! Someone dumped chocolate soft-serve in the bathroom! Dibs!
I just walked in on my dad looking at porn. is there protocol for this?
I can totally hide my daquiri in my sling.
So chef boyardee smells exactly the same after you throw it up
i literally discovered the exact same thing last week. i had the lasagna one
ravioli
Knitting and drinking wine. Forget my 21st birthday, might as well just skip to my 60th
I ended up staying at a police station for being a witness in a public masturbation case..NOW do you believe me that I've never had a good St. Patrick's Day?
Currently separating the burrito I just stuffed in my purse from the weed in my half smoken bowl that was already in it. My what the fuck moment beats yours.
On an unrelated note, i found out who duct taped shoelaces to my face
Doing tequila shots with my ex to celebrate that we broke up... not awkward at all.
I was like a damn cattle dog, I separated all the sheep, I can wing man for anyone on this campus.
She could makes a perfectt roast dinner drunk but she nearly sets the kitchen alight microwaving popcorn.
I can't help you right now because I'm shaving my feet...like a lady.
Went up to some dude that hit on Laura and told him he has a voice like a grandma. Apparently didnt have muscles or kindness like grandma so can you pick me up at the ER please?
Secrets from the porn industry: liTERALLY SHOVE A SEA SPONGE UP YOUR VAGINA GO ON DO IT
i guess "never drinking again" is not an option when you invent a whole new level of drunk...
Randomize
