no, no I am DEF NOT pregnant. typo. sorry, wanted to talk about us...
I need a man. I think Im going to put myself on Craigs list since they caught the killer and all.
Do it and if you add naked pictures youll get an instant reply
i have a reoccuring irrational fear i'm going to walk in on my dad masterbating. Night.
A. What the fuck are period panties? B. Don't ever wear them around me... or bears.
Not a single person will look me in the eye. Last night must've been bad.
Its funny that cleaning up pieces of water balloons and shot glasses every morning is becoming a routine
Fell asleep on the Grass at Lolla woke up in the Brown line. What. The. Fuck.
Won't anyone wonder why I'm mute, bald, and wearing an eye patch?
I threw all my money on the ground and said it was for homeless people and fell down the stairs
If our text convos ever saw the light of day lives would be in tatters
So as a result of a tragic manscaping accident I've had to shave all the hair off of my legs. The result is... not great
No, you made a silk sheet toga and held up a dildo calling yourself "The Statue of Puberty". People made pilgrimages from the other party down the block to see you.
Last night was like blooper reel sex. He dropped me!!
I can't believe I watched you put a tampon in in the parking garage
Throwing my sister a bisexual bachelorette party was the best idea ever. I made out with both strippers and the hot bartender promised to "gay marry" me if I take him as my date to the wedding.
Randomize