Our cab driver just admitted to beating up kids in the 60's who didn't smoke pot...
you don't understand, he speaks spanish and is tall. i have to do him.
just put an icicle in the bong. best/worst idea ever. i think i can taste global warming right now.
Hahaha I asked him about her bjs and he said "I would not wish that on anyone"
We found you passed out clutching your purse. There was 16oz of unopened cheddar cheese inside. You just kept saying SALSA YES.
My absolute favorite part of last night was after I puked in the ally, we rounded the corner and you screamed, "she's ok!" and everyone cheered
I've done nothing but whore my gay ex bf out for the past 48 hours. It's getting weird.
At this point I will cuddle anything to prevent from dying alone
Eating cold pizza and drinking a beer for breakfast while standing in a hotel window naked is how I say hello September...
There's a whistle here and I just want to play my whistle song on it.
Family trip though. I generally don't wheel too much ass with the fam in tow. Despite the fact my parents would be pleased if I did.
I'm 80% sure I have pink eye. This is my penance for being a homewrecker.
See that doesn't work because we've had sex so its awkward for you to call me mom
you had me at "meet me in the bathroom"
I always want to see you. Honestly my only hesitation is that my ass is still kind of sore from Sunday 🥺
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