Where you at
assisting at a photo shoot in williamsburg till 7ish. wassup?
Doesn't matter. I already jerked off in your bed.
Where??
Against the wall. In corner. Only gave him head though don't worry
Proposition. Sex. No words, no talking about it later. I just want you tonight.
so he was shitfaced and kept using sticky notes to label everything like "beer spill" and "going to fuck later"
The remote chance that I may get a blowjob is about the only reason I have a shower every day.
he rolled over in his sleep, called me a hoe and then grabbed my crotch. some things never change, asleep or not.
We're at that point in our relationship where sweatpants sex has become acceptable...
slut bingo starts in ten minutes ...
My penis has a 100% approval rating. He has never received a formal complaint. If you'd like to file one, you can go fuck yourself.
She just broke down showed up grabbed a beer said fuck it pulled off her fake eyelashes looked at my roommate and said we need to break up you're a nice guy and I'm a whore
It's Saturday night and I'm sitting on my couch by myself, watching Glee, and drinking gin and tonics. If you listen very closely, you can hear the wails of my mother giving up hope that I will ever give her a son-in-law.
Apparently I'm not allowed to call at 3am anymore and ask to speak to all his siblings. I was just trying to get to know the family
I woke up to a quacking alarm clock and a rando in my bed. I told him I liked his cargo shorts. Fireball is not my soulmate anymore.
I just wanna have sex and go to Denny's after is that too much to ask for.
I'm fine. Heading home now...crying. Michael Bolton totally understands me!
Randomize
