I just tried to pick my 105-lb puppy up and accidentally fingered its asshole
There are some things we keep to ourselves Brian
Tortellini makes me feel like I'm eating hundreds of little vaginas
I pulled down his boxers and a 20 dollar bill fell out. I'm telling you, the blowjob fairy EXISTS
& he told me 'I don't think ur a big slut-just kind of an average slut'
HE THINKS THATS A COMPLIMENT!!!!!
does she really think making her boyfriend delete me on facebook is going to magically stop us from hooking up?
Dude, had to, it's Canada Day, I fucked her for Canada. Seriously, I put my Canadian flag on my bed and fucked her on it.
if memory serves, the guy you were hooking up with said he was a slutty skittle.
she came back from her house with A paper cut , a 2liter of sprite with Bacardi , and half a mustache . we're inviting her more ofte
Milk that cash cow for all the shots she's worth
I AM HANGING OUT WITH ADORABLE DOGS SURROUNDED BY NATURE. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND ALSO BYE CIVILIZATION AND PANTS.
Are you at a park?
It got quiet and we all stood around and opened the box and I've never seen so many burritos in my life man. it was fucking biblical.
I am a figure skater. You should know better than to let me get drunk near any patches of ice during Olympics season.
I have to make calls today at work. So I'm gonna call your phone and leave some random messages. Just delete them.
You yelled at me about a fork.
You probably deserved it, I'm very territorial about my cutlery.
Y'all let us switch shirts in the middle of 200 people....why did you let me get this drunk by noon?
Randomize
