do you think they make "congratulations unfit mother" greeting cards?
or abortion recommendation cards.
so when she was in the shower, I took a pic of my dick with her phone and sent it to her brother saying, this just fucked your sister
i was so drunk that there were 2 of her, and i didn't know which one to fuck
then she said "on the count of three I think we should apologize to eachother"
I puked in the AC vent. thing are gonna get ugly come summertime.
he just spelled fiance, "pheancie". I dont think he's ready to get married.
Just calculated that for my last final tomorrow I need 120% to improve my grade and 53% to keep it..buying 30 packs now, go get dressed
Do you think I could put your penis on reserve for tonight or tomorrow night?
Tell her to buy some booze and drink away her sorrows like an adult.
What's Spanish for "I shouldn't have worn these underwear to work?"
I need an office. I have big plans. I'm learning spanish this month.
Tbh.. I hope he still watches our sex tapes so he can be reminded of what he's missing out
Good, I've got all this booze. It's intimidating to be in the room alone with it..
I still don’t believe you, the dog DID NOT tear down the shower curtain and shit on the floor.. we found you in the fetal position in the bathroom holding your tequila gun. It was you!
Only in this town do you have a bridesmaid shortage due to pregnancies.
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