ive had 594 apples! thats 99 apples 6 times! math!
Ikea night.
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Insert tab A into swedish slot B
I'm paying a homeless guy $20 to follow me around bars tonight with a boombox playing the theme to Rocky.
EMERGENCY: IS A KAREOKE RICKROLL ACCEPTABLE IN THE YEAR 2011?
She showed up to the party with a live octopus and a 30 pack that was already half gone
ugh he was not leaving in the morning so i tried to scare him by crying and saying i wasnt ready to lose my virginity.
I broke up with him in the bar & then asked him if he wanted to have a contest to see who gets the most numbers. I say I took that break up well
She thinks I come over for the sex, but I really come for the snacks.
We went to IKEA super baked wearing fake mustaches. You?
Well, we broke up and instead of putting my shit out on the curb like a normal person, she fucking donated everything to Goodwill. So now I have to pay two dollars for one of my own t shirts.
At the bar, some guy bumped into you and you screamed "hey, don't touch what you can't afford sunshine!"
I threw up through my nose tonight. Happy cinco de mayo
I'm never going to adult. I'm staying a child. The only thing related to adult that I want to do is you.
I feel slightly un-patriotic right now... I just got cock blocked by the Air Force!
he just asked me that if he was a penguin and I was a penguin if I would fuck him
Randomize
