is your mom at the bar?
No one appreciates an amoeba in a balloon hat.
It's sad how good I am at giving people diseases
her parents were awake and in the next room. i think i deserve a big fucking medal for that orgasm.
Because of his penis, I can't even look at a hot dog
You almost set me on fire last night.
You probably deserved it.
Do you think I should still be the condom fairy for Halloween even though I'll be like.. Almost 8 months pregnant?
I BIT YOU IN THE DINING ROOM. I bit you and you crunched
I know this is really fun but I don't wanna glow anymore
Hey could you buy me 2 bottles of arbor mist? I'm trying to get laid tonight
So I was thinking for Halloween I'd do Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde....for my vagina.
Ordained minister or not I hereby renounce all moral responsibility for any and all related occurrences
Some guy just hit on me and then said, well you look too young to ride the emotional roller coaster and guestured to his dick.
Dude she smelled like bar-b-que sauce. I can't think of anything better.
I want you to know. From the bottom of my heart, that you are a great friend, a beautiful person, and one of my favorite people in this world. But if you ever send me that many messages again at 4am I swear to God, I will push you in from of a fast running rhino
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