So the bouncer told me I could leave the easy way or the hard way. I told him I was going to make him earn his 10 bucks that hour.
Apparently you chose the latter.
I'm in love with you.
huh?
Don't be nervous. I'm just saying - if you had a dick, I'd suck it.
margarita wednesday is really going to dip into new year's eve thursday
a cemetary is a place for people to rest in peace and you just spermed all over their land
I'm bakin' bread in my pussy!
What?
I have a yeast infection.
they duct taped my keg cup to my hand with my sister's phone number on it. I should be ok tonight.
This gyro tastes like lonliness
I'm too drunk to be surrounded by this many indians
How do you manage to be drunk and a racial minority so often?
Some guy is walking around the bar with his dick out. Health code violation?
Trust me. My penis has made more than enough decisions this weekend.
I wanted him to come me this time. So I told him last time I was in the city I hit a lady on the head with an inflatable Santa Claus and just found out that the restraining order she requested against me was granted. We never hung out.
The bartender had to walk me home last night. New high or new low?
This guy is like Don Jon! Im over here this weekend and at least four times I've heard porn on his phone thru the bathroom door.
I'm taking the day off so I can get drunk at Whole Foods before noon
We only initially bonded over boobs and sarcasm
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